


Release the Panic

by embryonic_trite



Category: DCU (Comics), Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anti-Hero, Crimes & Criminals, F/M, Romance, Serial Killers, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2018-10-02 04:21:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10209509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embryonic_trite/pseuds/embryonic_trite
Summary: He loves her with all his heart, yearning for the time that they wed. Others want to keep them apart, but he'd sooner be dead. Protecting his bride all he can, he won't let them take her away. He'll fight and defend with every last breath, because nothing will ruin that special day.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Nightwing/Raven story from the 2003 cartoon. If I include other respective love interests, they will not be having any present romance with the two mains. If at any time it sounds like I'm slandering them, I'm really sorry. I don't mean to do it intentionally; and, if it is intentional I will post a warning beforehand. 
> 
> M for Mature (blood, gore, violence, seduction– because I don't think I'll be writing any full-on smut, mentions of violent crimes– murder, rape, etc., mentions of abuse, occasional cursing)

**" Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from. "**  
~ Mae West

* * *

Raven Roth, poised as ever, waited with all the patience she could muster. Given the circumstances, that was not much. Her face concealed her emotions as she continued staring straight. Whenever she felt impatient or was simply pondering thoughts, she would put her pen between her middle and ring fingers and tap the tool against any surface she could find.

She was usually much more patient, but even she had limits. Limits that ultimately motivated her to act. So, Raven finally stood from her chair and moved towards the center of the room. Then, she pulled an object from the inside pocket of her coat.

"Damian. I will give you this lollipop if you agree to cooperate."

Damian Wayne was currently on top of a green exam table with his arms crossed and his face in a sneer. He was bearing the image of a defiant child, but Raven could see his eyes occasionally focus on the cherry lollipop in her hand.

"C'mon, Damian, it won't even hurt. As soon as we're done, we'll head out for ice cream."

Damian glared, "Easy for you to say, Grayson. You're not the one getting shot."

Dick Grayson resisted an eye roll, "You're not getting 'shot'. You're getting _a_ shot, a vaccination," he gave Raven an apologetic look, "The sooner you get your shot, the sooner we can leave."

Damian sucked in his cheeks as his eyes wandered everywhere except for the two adults. Finally, he looked at his older brother, "I don't want ice cream. I'll take the lollipop, _and_ you must make father buy the new leather pet sofa for Titus," he sat up taller with a conniving grin. The ten-year-old obviously learned business dealings from his father.

The older man counted to ten in his head, ignored the doctor laughing the background, and held his hand out, "I'll call Bruce the minute we're in the parking lot if you agree to get your shot right now."

Satisfied, Damian uncrossed his arms and held his brother's hand.

Raven handed Dick the lollipop to hold. When she rubbed his arm with sterile alcohol, Damian flinched and nearly twisted his brother's wrist in the process. It truly amused her that a little boy who spent a majority of his free time kickboxing and practicing taekwondo was afraid of needles. So, the minute he turned his head away from her, she poked him with the needle. By the time Damian realized it was in his arm, she had already removed the needle.

"Wait, it's over? I'm done."

Dick had an I-told-you-so smile plastered on his face, "That didn't hurt, now did it?" This time, he didn't hide his rolling eyes. He affectionately tousled his little brother's hair.

"Whatever, Grayson. Just remember Titus' leather pet sofa," Damian said as he unwrapped his lollipop and proceeded to hop off the exam table.

Raven removed her gloves with a laugh, "You were really good today, love. It only took– what, 20 minutes?"

Dick laughed and offered his hand to her, "Thank you so much, Dr. Roth. I apologize for my brother's stubbornness." When she gave it to him, he couldn't help but place a small kiss on her fingers. "That's a lovely ring, Doctor. I had no idea you were married," he said.

She smirked at him, "Not married yet. I've been engaged for a few months now."

"To whom?"

"Just some guy," Raven said, "But, if I'm being honest, I'm just marrying the guy out of pity."

Dick pulled her against her chest, "'Marrying out of pity'?" He kissed her for a few seconds before he said, "That didn't feel like pity. Actually–"

"Seriously? Do you guys have to do this right _now_?"

"I think someone _really_ wants that pet sofa," Raven walked over to hug Damian– one he pretended to resist– and kissed his cheek, "Make sure your brother stays out of trouble, mkay?"

Damian nodded to her before eagerly leaving the office, occasionally swinging his arms to tolerate the discomfort in his arm.

"Don't be late for dinner, okay?" Dick said, kissing her on the nose, "These reservations took me _forever_ to get."

Raven said, "Fine. But the minute we get married we need to cut back on these expensive dinners. I don't exactly have a trust-fund to blow like _someone_."

"So you're marrying me for money, not pity?"

She didn't dignify that with a response.

* * *

Bruce Wayne wasn't exactly as pissed as Dick thought he would be when he saw his boys strolling in with an extravagant pet sofa.

"It was the only way he would get his shot," Dick reasoned.

"You do realize that now that he has one, he's going to want another for the cat and the cow."

"Good thing he's your kid, not mine then."

Alfred Pennyworth walked in, "Master Bruce, a bed for the dog is fairly tame. Master Damian could've easily asked to adopt that exotic turkey he saw at the zoo."

Bruce didn't bother arguing with the butler– like he would actually win that conversation– and simply thanked Dick for even taking Damian to the doctors.

"Master Grayson, did you enjoy the desserts from last week? I hope it was satisfactory given the amount of cake testing you and your fiancé have been doing."

Dick ran a hand through his hair, "We still have your leftovers in the fridge, Alfred. Raven's worried she–" the older men gave him a look, " _I_ would eat it all and we'd run out."

"How is the future Mrs. Grayson handling the wedding plans?" Bruce asked.

"I think it's overwhelming her a little," Dick said, "This wedding stuff is pretty new to her. And she always thought her mother would…" his voice trailed off, but Bruce and Alfred already understood the silence.

Dick and Raven would be terrible candidates to represent a "perfect" childhood. In some ways, he lucked out more than she did. He, at least, held a close bond with his birth parents and his ward; Raven, not so much.

Alfred said, "A wedding is a collaborative effort, Master Grayson. Please have patience."

"It's not that," he said, "She's invested in the planning but she's not acting like those neurotic brides you see in media."

" _Nobody_ is as neurotic as those brides," Bruce mumbled under his breath.

Alfred ignored his master, "Do you worry she's not invested in your marriage?"

Dick chuckled a little, "It's not that either. I just…I really want her to be happy. Wedding or no wedding, that's all I care about."

* * *

"So we have the food, we have the place, and we have a band. Karen said she could only come to the reception because she was coming back from Prague. And Jason's the last one that needs to RSVP," Raven said.

Dick responded, "Damian said he'll be the ring bearer if Titus will walk beside him," without looking up from his menu.

She chuckled, "We barely got him through a vaccination. I enjoy a challenge, but I doubt we'll get Damian willingly into a tux."

He reached across the table to grab Raven's hands, "We're not going to spend the entire night nitpicking wedding stuff, are we?" He could actually see the exhaustion in her eyes.

"You don't want to talk about our special day?"

Just in case she wasn't kidding, Dick had an answered prepared, "I can't wait for the wedding, Rave. But our wedding day's going to be you, me, and a bunch of other people. I just want this to be you and me time."

"I offered to elope, but Bruce said he wouldn't go to Vegas."

He shook his head, "Seriously, let's talk about you. How was your day?"

Raven shrugged modestly, distracting Dick slightly when her shirt strap fell down her shoulder, "Fine; nothing to report. How was your day?"

He rolled his eyes playfully, "I missed out on a meeting that I could care less about because I need to take my brother for a check-up. Thought about my fiancé and our wedding. Had a chicken salad for lunch. Continued to think about my fiancé. Bought an extremely expensive sofa for a dog. Then, I met said fiancé here for dinner."

She couldn't help but smile, "Wow…you lasted all day with a chicken salad?"

He smiled and leaned over the table to chastely kiss Raven's lips, "Yeah. Thinking about you doesn't take as much energy as it used to considering I do it all the time."

Raven let go of his hands and leaned her chin on the back of her hand. She looked as if she was deeply distracted, and that bothered him.

He asked, "What's wrong, Rave?"

She sighed, "Remember how I told you Katherine went missing?"

Katherine Moth was the boss's daughter, and an old high school bully. She still lived with her father, living off his money, and spent her days at the clinic meddling with employees. Given that Katherine attended school with her, Raven was the number one target. She had no issue flaunting her money or her style. She even went to the extent of flirting with Dick at company functions (knowing Raven couldn't react irrationally).

"The police think she went over to Steel City," Raven obviously gave the issue a lot of thought, "It just doesn't make sense. Why would she leave without telling anyone– you _know_ how much she loves bragging about her _fabulous_ little trips– and then suddenly find her in Steel City?"

Dick asked, "If they already found her, why are you worrying so much?" However, he probably knew the answer already.

"Katherine once told me that she thought Hell would look like Steel City. She hated that city more than she loved annoying me. It doesn't add up," she explained, "I know she's an insufferable person, Dick. That doesn't mean she deserved to be abducted or killed."

"And that's why I love you. I don't mean the part where you jump to ridiculous conclusions," he said, taking her hands again, "You care, no matter how horrible someone is to you. But, sometimes, it's okay to take a break and be a little selfish."

She couldn't help but smile at him. Raven started to step out of her seat to kiss him, but their waiter arrived.

The rest of the date consisted of Raven talking about either work or the wedding. Dick couldn't help but drift from the conversation. Staring at her to the point of disassociating when she was talking had become a habit for him in their relationship.

"Do you want to go home or go somewhere else for desert?" he asked once his credit card was returned to him.

Raven glanced at the watch, "I have an early shift tomorrow since Dr. Marks is still out. I'm definitely taking an extended vacation for our honeymoon."

Dick laughed and was about to put his wallet away when he realized he forgot something. He was panicking slightly, and almost emptied his entire wallet right there in the middle of the restaurant. "I think I left my license at the office," he said, "I need to go back and get it."

"Do you want me to drive you?"

"You should go home," he helped his fiancé into her coat, "I took a cab here; I can take a cab back. I promise won't be long."

She pulled out her car keys, kissed him goodbye, and left.

As soon as she left out of the parking lot, Dick pulled out his own car keys and slid his license back into one of the wallet's empty slots.

* * *

Katherine Moth kneeled in a dark room of grey, wrists handcuffed and chained above her head. Her dress was slightly faded with dirt at the edges and torn sleeves. The heels of her shoes broke off and her blisters were bleeding.

A light switched on a dimmed headlamp and Katherine tried to scream, but her throat was too dry.

"It's just light. Get the fuck over it."

She whimpered, "Let me go, you bastard."

"You do nothing but bitch, and, since you're giving me a headache, I may do just that."

She growled, "When you said you _wanted_ me, I didn't think this is what you meant. I've been in this room for a week with nothing but fucking lemonade. Who does that?"

The figure turned around and unlocked a built-in closet, bringing out a duffle bag and a shovel.

Katherine howled, "You're a freak! Get away from me, fucker!"

"Katherine Moth, you are a cruel bully. You didn't care about your victims, so why should I care about you? _She_ did nothing to you, yet you tortured her to no end. Why were you so cruel to such an angel? Were you really _that_ bored?"

She didn't respond, and he didn't need her to

"Well, guess what? _"_ He pulled a knife from behind his back, " _I'm_ bored now."

Katherine cried for the umpteenth time that night, "Why are you doing this?"

He spat at her face, "Because you deserve it. Did you even apologize to her? Did you even beg for her forgiveness?" Ignoring her whimpers of pain. He pressed the knife against Katherine's skin and flicked without hesitance.

Finally, Dick said, "You hurt Raven. _No one_ hurts Raven."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a reboot of an old story I did. Looking back, the formatting and the plot itself was so atrocious that I'm still embarrassed about it.


	2. II

" **Try as you will, you cannot annihilate that eternal relic of the human heart: love. "**  
~ Victor Hugo

* * *

Dick had a really weird process when it came to handling his anger.

First, boiling rage.

Second, venting frustrations.

Third, consuming guilt.

Finally, silence.

He'd finished with Katherine a long time ago, and was in the process of cleaning up: anything above the pelvis in one trash bag, anything below in another, and a bag just for her head. He would've made a bag for her insides, maybe donate the organs to the hospital, but that would take too long for him.

Before taking her body to the incinerator outside of Blüdhaven (a three-hour drive away, mind you), Dick made a bag for Katherine's clothing. He had already gotten rid of his own clothes, but he planned to bleach and wash hers before donating it to charity.

On the road, Raven had sent him a text message. Not wanting to be near the cell towers in that godawful city, Dick pulled over to the gas station. He was a little reluctant to answer because cell phone records would show him near the city. He was incredibly lucky that Bruce decided to assign him to the Blüdhaven office a few weeks back, so him being there wasn't nearly as suspicious. And, if anyone were to check his records, they would see that at the very moment Dick was in the building's parking garage.

**SMS_Raven: You've been gone for a long time, is everything okay?**

**SMS_Raven: Are you sleeping over at the office?**

Usually, Raven didn't send texts. But, it was late at night, and she had a right to be worried about him being at the office so late.

**SMS_Dick: It took me a while to find my license in the dark, and some of the guards thought I was trying to break in.**

Dick was treading unsafe waters by bringing other people into his lies, but he needed something that could clearly place him in the office for a long period of time without appearing suspicious. It wouldn't be too hard to find a "witness" if it came to that.

**SMS_Dick: It took them a while to realize who I was. You'd think all the tabloids or my picture in the lobby would've been a hint.**

**SMS_Raven: Ha, ha you're so funny.**

**SMS_Raven: Next time you worry me I'm letting the police deal with you.**

**SMS_Dick: Wouldn't want that ;)**

* * *

Raven tried twirling in front of the full length mirror, but found the gigantic tent of a dress permitting her to do so. Per Kori's suggestion, Raven modeled a backless gown with a tail that made her feel like a mermaid (apparently that's what the design was called anyways). The sleeves themselves weren't on her shoulders, tightly hugging her biceps instead. The color of her skin melded with the dress; her purple hair was the only thing reminding people she wasn't a mannequin.

"You look _gorgeous_."

She turned to look at her friends, "I don't know. I think this is a little…revealing. If I wear a bra, people will see it."

"You're not supposed to wear a bra with the dress," the storeowner advised.

Her look of confusion turned to a look of horror, "What if the venue gets cold?" she made a gesture to her chest area, "Y'know?"

"It's nothing Dick hasn't seen before," Donna teased, earning herself a light tap on the wrist from Toni.

The bride-to-be reexamined herself in the mirror, "This is _way_ too revealing," the tattoo her back was trying to jump out, "I think I need something that doesn't show off _every_ thing."

Kori approached her friend, "Raven, you are an incredibly beautiful woman. You should not feel the need to hide it," she put a veil on her head just to complete the look, "But if you do not feel comfortable in the dress, there is no reason for you to buy it."

She took one more look at herself, "I just feel bad," Raven said, "for wasting your time, guys." _And spending so much money_.

Her fiancé had repeatedly offered to pay (he'd grown up with more _resources_ then she had), but Raven declined. They were equals in the relationship and she wanted to keep it that way.

"Because this is _such_ torture," Toni joked, "Seriously, Rae, we'd rather be here helping our friend then at work," and she meant that considering she worked in a cubicle.

That had been the third dress Raven tried that day. Dress picking was fairly hard for her; she wasn't exactly a girl's girl and she didn't really know what she was looking for. If Raven had it her way, she'd show up in a pantsuit.

One day, before the officially planning took place, Raven recommended they escape to Greece and have a simple ceremony with a few friends and his family; Dick didn't object. She didn't go through with it: this was supposed to be a traditional wedding of sorts. She worked really had to give him a storybook wedding because, though he never said it out loud, he wanted the big wedding with her in a white dress, him in a black tux, and their friends watching them at an altar.

Dick rarely asked for anything. If that meant she had to wear a poofy dress to make him happy, she'd do it.

* * *

As soon as he was done with work, Dick kidnapped his friends and took them to the jewelry stores, trying to figure out the best inscription for the wedding rings.

"What about 'Yours forever'?"

"Too cliché."

"You don't _have_ to get it inscribed," Garth suggested, "I mean, I honestly don't see Raven being the type to throw a fit over rings."

"I know but…" Dick clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, "This should not be so hard."

Garfield– who had obviously been trying on different gold chains and rings– said, "Y'know, you could just ask Roy for help."

Besides Toni, Roy Harper was Raven's oldest friend. He and Raven spent a majority of their interactions bicker-flirting, and Dick wasn't truly convinced they were purely platonic until the moment he saw how over-protective he was over her (and vice versa). It helped a little that Roy already had someone he was completely devoted to in his life: Lian.

In fact, Roy wasn't shopping with them because he was in the middle of an archery tournament, and was planning to visit his daughter afterwards (unfortunately for him, that meant hanging out with his ex-wife).

Before he left, Roy told Dick to call whenever he needed help with "Raven stuff" because Lian adored her Godmother to no end.

"I don't want to bother him," Dick said, "and the rings should say something about my relationship with Raven, not Roy's."

"Then you should put 'started as a mess'."

* * *

After what seemed like hours at the jewelry store– mostly consisting of brainstorming over rings without actually purchasing anything– Dick finally went home to get ready for Wayne Enterprise's latest company function (which is just a fancy way of saying big-ass party).

Both he and Raven equally loathed these things. Raven didn't like having to pretend to be the silently doting wife, given that rarely anyone wanted to discuss medicine or books with her. And, Dick didn't like having to take his work home in an itchy suit.

The only thing that motivated the two to power through was Alfred's desserts.

Raven was actually stuffing a few of the lemon cookies in her mouth– _like a lady_ – while Dick was finishing a conversation with some old stiff in HR.

"Is it just me or was he talking slow on purpose?" Dick asked once he could retreat to her side.

She laughed and kissed his cheek, almost to tell him "I'm just as bored as you". He took the plate from her and started feasting on her leftover crumbs.

"I'm really hungry."

"You do realize there's plenty of cookies here, right?"

"I don't know. You've practically ate them all." That earned him a playful punch in the shoulder. "I'm sorry I had to drag you to this thing," Dick said, "But, I will admit– you look beautiful tonight."

"What about all the other nights?"

He playfully rolled his eyes at her before he placed his chin on top of her head. Raven rarely showed a playful side, unless you include the frequent sarcasm, so he loved that she was comfortable enough to do it with him.

"We should move to the dance floor," he suggested, "Y'know, practice for our big party."

It was actually really funny whenever Bruce turned his living room into a dance hall. The house was humungous with plenty of other rooms to use, but Bruce Wayne liked the idea of dancing in front of a fire place…even though he rarely danced.

"I would," Raven looked up at him, "except those are your new shoes. I would hate for you to bleed through them after a few minutes of waltzing with my feet on your toes."

"Isn't that why I'm marrying you, my living first-aid kit?"

" _Robin_."

Anytime she called him that, he found himself unconsciously smiling. The first time they met, they were studying birds in the park for a biology lab. For some reason, the robins wouldn't seem to leave him alone no matter how much he tried to shoo them.

"Break it up, Dick," Bruce said as he approached them, "You're going to have the rest of your lives to be distracted by your fiancé," he sent a knowing smile at a laughing Raven, "Right now, I need you conversing with other executives."

"Hush, Bruce," said the date on his arm, "Your son and his girl are adorable."

When he was little, Dick often corrected people whenever they called him "son". It wasn't that he had anything against Bruce, he just wasn't ready to accept his new so-called family.

After a while, after building a relationship with Bruce, Alfred, and the horde of children to come, he stopped correcting strangers.

" _Richard_. Mingle. Now," Bruce commanded before his date tried to drag him on the dance floor.

Raven leaned up and kissed Dick's jaw, "I can go get more food. That way you won't be so _distracted_."

"You'll need to put a bag over your head if you wanna stop being a distraction, Dr. Roth."

Dick turned his head to see Raymond McCreary walking towards them. He had a wily smirk on his lips and a drink in his hand. It seemed that he didn't have a date tonight.

When Raven squeezed his hand, he finally broke his gaze with the other man. Dick saw concern in her eyes, and that allowed his stomach to unclench.

"What are you doing here, Raymond?" he asked between his teeth.

"This is still a business function," Raymond said, "And Talon Trades. is interested in doing business with Wayne Enterprises."

"I think I speak for Bruce as well when I say we would _never_ do business with you or your company."

" _Richie_ , don't allow your emotions to get in the way of a good business deal. That's very unprofessional," he goaded.

Before further altercation, Raven stood between them with her hand on both of their chests. Dick instantly calmed because even the slightest touch from her seemed to relax him.

"Enough, boys," she said, "You're both adults. At least act like it."

"As you wish, darling," Raymond took this opportunity to take Raven's hand from his chest and kiss her knuckles. When he saw her ring, he said, "I've never seen _this_ before," before she snatched her hand away, "Who's the lucky person?"

"Me," Dick answered, possession gracing his tone.

Raymond looked perplexed for a second, and then started laughing. "You must've really enjoyed my sloppy seconds, Richie. Although, I have to say, my _ring_ was bigger," he winked at Raven.

Dick would've responded, but she beat him to it.

"I wouldn't brag about your need to overcompensate regarding your… _ring_."

That comment, and Dick trying to hide his laugh, seemed to wipe the smile off his face.

"And you're right about one thing: this _is_ a business function," she stood a little taller, "So just shake hands and walk away," she said, "and, unless you really want to air laundry in front of your bosses, Raymond, consider your _proposal_ rejected."

Both men knew better than to argue with her.

Dick put his hand out, "We'll finish this on Monday," and shook.

Raymond squeezed his hand a little harder, "Go fuck yourself, Richie," and walked off.

As soon as he left, Raven cupped Dick's face so he couldn't look at anything but her, "Are you okay?"

"The man is a Neanderthal."

She nodded slightly, but it didn't seem to budge the concern on her face.

Dick wrapped an arm behind her back and pulled her against his chest, "What are you thinking about?" he asked, playing with loose strands of her amethyst hair.

"I feel bad," she confessed, "You guys used to be friends, Dick. I never thought I'd be the person who breaks up a friendship. Maybe you could… forgive him?"

He leaned down and kissed her, for the first time that night, and said, "Even before what he did to you– before what he did to _us_ – Raymond stopped being my friend."

"I just feel like–"

He kissed her once more, "Raven, stop. I'd settle for the memories of our friendship from the past, then have the asshole he is today as a friend.

"And, I have you," he added, "That's worth a lot more to me."

* * *

Like some couples, sometimes sitting together in silence was better than a dozen conversations.

Raven and Dick would be classified as one of those couples every Sunday morning.

He usually woke up before Raven. He liked to sit at the bar in front of the kitchen with his book out and a cup of joe on a coaster. Depending on his mood, sometimes Dick would make omelets to compliment the coffee. He liked to take books from Raven's library and read them, given her large range of options. Every now and then he'd break the silence to ask Raven a question about the book he was reading.

Unlike Dick, Raven liked to lean on the clean counter space near the sink to do her reading. She would drink warm tea in her "Your argument is irrelephant" mug– a gift from Garfield, of course– while she read the newspaper. When she finished the news, she'd start a crossword puzzle.

"He's not dead?"

Dick always knew how to make her laugh, even when he was spewing nonsense.

"What are you talking about, love?" she asked as she poured hot water into her mug.

He started waving the book around, "Is he supposed to die or…?"

She looked up and noticed he was referring to _The Children of Men_ , and also referring to its corresponding film.

"You do realize films and movies are _different_ , right?" she said from their door, picking up the newest copy of the newspaper.

He was mumbling to himself– something about unsatisfying endings– before he drank his coffee, put the book back in the shelf, and grabbed papers to work on. Dick was about to sit down again when–

"Holy shit."

He almost dropped his work at her exclamation, "What? What's wrong?"

Raven handed him the paper and showed him the front cover, "I'm not _seeing_ things, right?

He looked at the Gotham Gazette to find a faded picture of Raymond McCreary being forced out of his condo in the same suit from the other night.

The handcuffs were definitely new.

"They found Raymond with Katherine's jewelry," Raven summarized the article, "Apparently, her blood was on her bracelets. I guess she wasn't in Steel City after all."

Dick could immediately point out the puzzlement on her face, so he dropped the paper and pulled Raven into a hug.

"Jesus Christ, what do you think happened?" she asked into his chest. When he didn't answer, she settled for his silence, burying her face further into his shirt.


	3. III

"  **The true measure of a man is what he would do if he knew he would never be caught. "**  
~ Lord Kelvin

* * *

_Dick Grayson walked into Raven's apartment– planning to scold her later on the dangers of keeping her door unlocked– and saw her sorting laundry in the living room. This was odd, considering he was there to take her to the engagement party._

_Raven looked up from sorting socks to see him leaning by the door in a very clean suit._

" _I don't think a t-shirt saying 'National Sarcasm Society' is going to cut it at the hotel," he teased, "Why aren't you dressed for the party?_

" _You're supposed to check your email, Dick, the party was postponed."_

_Dick started to frustratingly undo his bowtie, "I got dressed up for nothing?" he threw a jacket onto her table, "What am I supposed to do for the rest of the night, then?"_

_She tossed a t-shirt at him, "Since you're here, you can help me fold," she said, "Or, you can go out. You_ are _single, and not exactly terrible to look at."_

_She was right: he was single and good looking by social conventions. However, Dick found himself preferring to stay indoors with Raven._

" _Where's Raymond?" he asked, trying to appear nonchalant, helping her fold towels._

" _He's at the office… again."_

_Dick looked down at eyes and couldn't help but notice how tense she seemed, "Is everything okay, Rave?"_

_She and slumped on the couch, "I'm just…I'm feeling a little confused."_

_He took a shirt from her and finished the folding, "What is it: the venue, the in-laws, or the save-the-dates?" Now that he thought about it, he didn't remember getting their save-the-dates._

" _Raymond and I…," Raven started to say, "haven't even started any of the planning. He's been at the office all the time and I'm focusing on my residency…"_

" _So you're having second thoughts?"_

_She grabbed a plush robin to cover her face, barely answering him, "I don't know. What do you think?"_

_Dick tried remaining emotionless on the outside, while a part of him– a part of him he sometimes hated– was dancing inside. He was best friends with both halves of the couple, and the last thing either of them needed to know was how he'd been in love with the bride-to-be since they were in school._

" _H-have you talked to Raymond?" he asked, trying to steady his voice._

" _I don't want him to worry," she said while she hugged the stuffed animal to her chest, "I just thought I'd feel more excited about my wedding. I mean, I knew this whole thing would be confusing since I don't really have any good examples to follow. But I expected to at least feel something more than_  content _._

" _I have this gut feeling that…that, maybe, I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I'm making a mistake. I think …I shouldn't even be telling you. He's your best friend," she hurried to grab more clothes to fold (as if the last minute didn't happen)._

_He sat next to her, "You're my friend too, Rave," he held her hand, "You know I'm here, no matter what it is you have to say."_

_Raven smiled at him–she rarely smiled– and kissed his cheek, "Thank you,_ Robin _. I think I'm just being stressed," she started to straighten out a pair of jeans, "Maybe I'm just stressed. I mean, I have–-"_

_Dick stopped his folding when he realized she wasn't talking anymore. Instead, she was pulling at the pockets of a pair of jeans. She flipped it inside out, and a lace, ruby red G-string fell onto her lap._

_Her face contorted back into her classic look: it was the look Raven made whenever she tried to guard herself. Hell, Dick only knew what it meant because of how long they'd known each other (and it took him years to learn how to decipher her faces)._

" _Please tell me these are yours."_

_He was going to answer, but she wouldn't've even cared._

_So, he hugged her. She automatically buried her head into his neck, yet she wasn't crying. Dick soothed her with his hand up and down her back as they sat in silence._

" _I'm so sorry, Raven."_

* * *

"I'm so sorry, Raven."

She snapped up to see Donna handing her a steaming mug of Twining's tea. Raven smiled at her friend and took the drink. She tried to gulp it down, thinking that focus on the burning tongue would distract her.

"Do you have any idea what happened?" Toni asked, "Do you think Katherine's––?" she made a neck-slicing motion with her free hand.

Raven couldn't speak, she just shook her head and continued drinking her tea.

"Kitty was a stone-cold bitch in school," Jennifer Lucky said, "But, even  _I_  didn't want her dead."

Kori placed a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder, "That's surprisingly nice of you to say, Jinx."

"Was she really that bad?" Donna asked, getting an 'are-you-kidding-me' look from most of the girls.

Toni, Jinx, and Raven knew all too well of the girl's cruelty from high school. She mocked them by spreading rumors that the three girls were in some sort of cult with magical powers. Jinx and Raven got the brunt of Katherine's attacks, with Toni being targeted the least.

Given that the three of them met Kori, Karen, and Donna in college, they didn't have to suffer knowing the spoiled girl.

"Maybe it wasn't murder," Toni proposed, "maybe Raymond was simply acting in self-defense?" Nobody really bought that considering it wouldn't take killing Katherine to fend her off.

Jinx did agree on one thing, "Raymond can be an ass, but he can't be a murderer."

With that, everyone turned to Raven, who had been sitting silently. They didn't really expect her to agree, or even defend him, but they were quite surprised with how nonchalant she was being; to be fair, that's how Raven always was, but given the current circumstances they expected more of a type of reaction from her.

When she realized all eyes on her, she snapped out of her dazed state, "I'm sorry guys," Raven said, "I just– I can't– I'm trying…When did you think Raymond was an 'ass'?"

Jinx put her hands up, "We've always thought that, Rae-Rae. I mean, as far as your past boyfriends go…"

"'We'? Who the fuck is 'we'?" With that, Jinx started flailing around the room pointing fingers (hoping she wasn't the only guilty party).

Raven couldn't even keep the flabbergasted look off her face, "When was this? Why are you just  _now_  telling me? I was  _engaged_  to the guy! You could've said something."

Toni offered a smile of innocence, "To be fair, you never said anything to the contrary," she squeezed her friend's hand, "And you're usually a good judge of character. We thought it'd be better for you to figure it out on your own."

"And it's not like we thought the engagement would last––mmph!" Kori was smart enough to stop Jinx from finishing that sentence.

Raven had to momentarily close her eyes to calm herself, drink a sip of tea, and said, " _Anyways_ , it's not  _me_  I'm worried about," she rubbed her temples, "I'm worried about Dick. I mean…Raymond used to be his best friend, and he might be charged with murder. I can't even imagine what Dick must be feeling now."

* * *

Dick should've been focusing on the executive meeting; but, all he could think of was Raymond.

According to the newspaper, Raymond wouldn't be charged. All that tied him to the scene was piece of jewelry with her blood on it. Probable cause got investigators a warrant, but they still lacked any sufficient evidence. Without real proof, they could only hold him for so long. At least he was smart enough to get his lawyer before he even stepped foot into the interrogation room.

For the most part, Dick was pretty sure his ties to any crime were severed. He made sure Raven, as well as a few other potential witnesses, knew he was going into the office before he took a company car into Blüdhaven. Once he was in city limits, Dick walked around using the most crowded routes (you'd be surprised how crowded Blüdhaven could be at night) towards Talon Trades' headquarters. He hacked their security system and copied Raymond's ID to steal a car. Then, he used said car to dump Katherine into a local incinerator. After disabling the GPS of his own company car, Dick walked back towards his office parking garage. He waited for at least 45 minutes before he texted Raven.

His plan was sound so far, but he wasn't going to trip over himself and say it was foolproof. Hopefully, he wouldn't have to look over his shoulder for long.

Bruce called today's meeting to discuss with the partners about the fate of current and future deals with Talon Trades. Dick stopped paying attention after that.

He spent the other night comforting Raven– she wasn't afraid, just shook. She didn't really know how to feel about her former lover being a suspect in the potential murder of her former bully. Listening to her poking holes at possible fallacies in the story– asking about why Raymond would hurt Katherine or was she really dead, for example– reminded him of those few months she was interning with the police (back then she was still debating over whether or not she wanted to be a doctor to the dead– medical examiner– or a doctor to the living).

"Richard.  _Richard_."

Dick's head shot up to see Bruce and the faces of other old white men waiting patiently for his answer.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

One of the board members offered a sympathetic glance and said, "As I was saying, Mr. McCreary was a friend of yours. So you won't mind being the one telling him that Wayne Enterprises will not be continuing with the merge?"

Dick sat up straighter, "Raymond's still with the company?"

Bruce gave him a warning glance, " _Mr. McCreary_  worked for Talon Trades for over a decade, and their lawyers have stated they have no intention of changing that relationship until solid evidence is brought to court," it was refreshing to see how grey Bruce was being given his usual black and white perspective, "there is no reason to make judgements now."

"And you still want to tell the company that we're pulling out of the deal?"

"We are not dealing with anyone else," another board member defended, "We're simply putting this agreement on hold."

This time, Dick ignored the faces of everyone else and zoomed in on Bruce, "Don't you think  _me_  talking to him would be a conflict of interest? As you've said, Mr. McCreary and I have a past. I just think– and maybe HR will agree with me– it would be a personal issue."

Bruce sent his ward a stern look, "Dick, the decision was made because the board and I completely agree that you're capable of separating any personal views from business. He's expecting you in an hour."

Dick stayed silent for the rest of the meeting, waiting for the other members to leave. As soon as the boardroom was empty, he blocked his mentor's path to the exit.

"What the hell is the board setting me up for?" he didn't hold back, "You know as well as I do that me going to talk to him is a bad idea. I'm not exactly his favorite person right now. If he was involved with Katherine's disappearance in any way–-"

Bruce put a hand on his shoulder, "I know about the past history with you, Raymond, and  _Raven_. Despite your differences, you both grew up together, and that relationship is hard to forget. Look, Dick, don't think about the companies and the merger, and just…just talk to him. If he doesn't want to reconcile, at least you won't regret not trying later."

He greatly appreciated how concerned his mentor was regarding his personal relationships; but, to be honest, Dick lost any hope of resolving issues with Raymond…not after everything that happened with Raven.

There were plenty of people preaching about not letting this friendship deteriorate over a girl, but, this was different. To him, at least.

Raven wasn't  _just_  a girl.

* * *

"You shouldn't be on the phone when you're in the car."

Dick laughed at Raven's tone of concern, "Yeah, well, I'm not driving this time. Bruce got me a limo just to make sure I wouldn't skip out on this  _deal_."

"That bad, huh? Guess you're missing lunch  _and_  cake testing."

"And, that was the only wedding-planning part I was really looking forward to."

"Oh really, the only part?"

"Well, there's also the bachelor party, of course."

Raven laughed, "If it makes you feel better, I was going to miss it too, so, I had it postponed."

"Big plans, Dr. Grayson?"

"First of all," she said, "no matter how much I love you, I'm not changing my last name. Secondly, yes. I'm planning on meeting someone."

"Vague answers will make me think you're having an affair or something. Who are you ditching me for?"

Raven sighed, almost like she expected his worry, "Let's just say, I'm looking for answers."

Looking for answers?

Oh,  _fuck_.

"Please tell me you're not in front of Raymond's apartment?"

He didn't really need for her to say anything to know the answer. Rarely, he'd wish he didn't know her so well.

"Dick, I have to find out what is really going on. I have to know if…if I had anything to do with this, or…"

Unfortunately, Raven had this very concerning guilt complex, feeling the need to take responsibility for everything. That unfortunate meeting with Raymond at the party just had to coincide with the story breaking.

" _Raven_ , you need to stay the hell away from him," he was talking so loud he caused the driver to swerve a little.

Dick could actually feel her rolling her eyes through the phone.

" _Robin_ , I can handle myself," she said, "Besides, he won't hurt me."

"You don't know that! Raven, if he's even  _slightly_  involved with whatever happened to Katherine, that makes him extremely dangerous."

"Dick, I will be fine, okay? Besides, I already put money into the meter, so I might as well cash in."

_Ding!_

"I promise nothing will happen to me. I'm about to go into an elevator. I'll call you if I need anything, okay? I love you."

"Raven, wait right––Raven!"


	4. IV

"  **Love and friendship exclude each other. "**  
~ Jean de la Bruyere

* * *

_Dick sat in front of his friend in a big glass office, doing his best to remain nonchalant._

_This was the guy who used to play games with him when they traveled city to city with the circus. And even after he became Bruce Wayne's ward, they still talked as best friends do. Hell, they got to go to college together._

_How did this happen?_

_How is it that Dick Grayson was looking at his best friend, and all he could do was hate?_

" _Do you know where_ she _is?"_

_Oh. Now he remembered._

" _Yeah. I know."_

_Raymond McCreary exhaled, "That's great. You can tell me where she is and then I–"_

" _No," it took Dick a moment to realize that was his own voice that spoke. "I'm not telling you where she is," that time, it definitely was his voice._

_Raymond looked appalled, "The hell– why not?"_

" _She asked me not to," he said, "She said she needed space."_

_He scoffed, "She's doesn't mean that. C'mon, Richie, you're supposed to be_ my _friend."_

" _And you were supposed to be mine." Dick almost took it back when he saw his childhood best friend's expression, but remained firm._

" _What are you talking about? I've always been your friend."_

_He didn't mean to laugh so cruelly._

_"No, you haven't. Not for a long time."_

_Raymond crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for an explanation. This conversation was not going the way he intended it to: Dick was visiting to give him back the ring (she said he'd be doing it for her) and then he would take a few second to convince his best friend to help him win back his girl. He couldn't understand why his best friend was so angry. It's not like…_

" _Is this about Raven?"_

_A rational Dick Grayson would've held back his brutal honesty. However, that guy left the building._

" _No," an angrier version was acting as substitute, "and yes. Mostly, it's about how you sold me out,_ friend _. You knew I had– I've_ always _had feelings for her. Apparently, you knew she had feelings for_ me _, and you decided you were never going to tell me."_

_"You never made a move. You should've told me she wasn't_ persona non grata _." That was the best response Raymond could muster given his past scheme was being unveiled._

" _You knew how I felt, and you didn't care."_

" _So is this your big revenge: you're not going to tell me where she is?"_

_Dick almost laughed again, "No, Raymond. Let's call this 'The other shoe dropping'."_

_"Richard," Raymond was now in his face, "if you don't tell me where she is right now I swear to–"_

" _Save your threats, Ray," For once in a very long time, Dick both figuratively and literally stood his ground, "You don't know how to make her happy. I do. I've been doing it for the past four months while you've been neglecting her_ _."_

" _She's_ my _fiancé, Richard."_

" _Considering she wants to give back the ring after she found some woman's panties in your pockets, I'd say your engagement's been called off." For dramatic effect, he put the ring onto Raymond's desk._

_Someone may chastise him for throwing 20 years of friendship for a girl, but he didn't care. In his eyes, he would lose his friend and gain something undeniably better. It almost made the wait worth it._

" _You're choosing her over me?" he called just before his so-called friend reached the door. It didn't sound like Raymond cared their friendship was on the line, but instead worried about his pride and his ego._

_Dick didn't hesitate, "You bet your ass I am."_

* * *

"Raymond, it's Raven. I need to –-"

The door almost immediately swung open. He was clearly surprised to see his purple-haired ex in front of his door. As far as he was concerned, she probably forgot his address a long time ago. "You here to gloat, Raven?" he asked with a very neutral tone.

She stood a little taller, "I wanted to talk to you about…" she let her voice trail off.

Raymond let her in. Then he poured more alcohol into his glass, "I take it you're not here for a friendly chat."

"I want you to look me in the eye," she said, "and admit that you did something to  _her._ " Raven started aimlessly pacing around his apartment, comparing its current style to the image she kept in her memories. It was definitely brighter than before. Her skin almost blended with the furniture. The sound of his laughter almost made her blush, making her feel incredibly stupid for even coming to his apartment.

"You really think I'm capable of murder?"

She pursed her lips, "I didn't say that," and she was being honest, "I need to know if you're at all involved with Katherine's disappearance." She refused to believe the papers unless he confessed himself.

Raymond put his drink down, "I don't know jack-shit about the little diva or what happened to her," he couldn't help but scan her up and down, "Is that  _really_  all you wanted to talk about?"

"What do you mean?"

"Believe it or not, I know a few things about you," he winked, "I  _was_  engaged to you, remember?"

Raven grimaced, " _Raymond."_

"You, for some reason, think you're responsible for whatever trouble I've gotten into," he walked towards her, "Do you think you broke my heart so bad that I  _snapped_  and decided to murder your bully?" For every step he took forward, she took one back. He laughed in her silence, "You haven't changed at all. Believe it or not, our little break up hadn't crushed my soul that much."

"I guess that's why you started fucking, Raya," she said without thinking. "She still working  _under_  you – sorry, I mean 'for' you?"

Raymond smirked, "Why would you care? We're not together anymore."

She ignored his subtle hints, "I'm not marrying Dick to get back at you, if that's what you're getting at. I'm marrying him because I'm in love with him, and I want to spend my life with him."

That seemed to tick him off: "And you were just using me back in school, to make him jealous?"

"No," she meant it. "I did love you, Raymond. If I hadn't, I wouldn't've even considered spending forever with you once upon a time," she looked at him with sad eyes, "But that wasn't enough for you. So, I got over it." Raven held back any tears threatening to spring forward, tears from history, "This was a mistake. I'm sorry for bothering you," she headed to the door.

Raymond grabbed her before she could take the next step.

"Let go of me," she said to the forceful hand on her wrist.

Then, her phone played  _Love Walks In_ , her ringtone for Dick. He always had perfect timing

Raymond grabbed her bag from her and threw it across the room, "You said what you had to say, but it's my turn." He shoved her against his wall before she could even blink, "This little  _altercation_ with the police has ruined my life. And it's your  _fucking_ fault."

"What the hell are you talking about?" She tried to ignore the sound of her phone ringing for the second time.

"Please, Raven," he said, "You really think I didn't see the connection between you and Katherine. I remember she used to bully you and your friends." Raymond pushed her harder against the wall, "Why not frame me after you've killed her?"

Raven gasped, "I didn't kill Katherine. How do you even know she's dead if they haven't found a body?" Her phone rang for the third time.

"It makes more sense than me hurting her," he commented, "I think you killed her and blamed it on me to get back at me for cheating on you, and you came here to see what I know to make sure your cover wasn't blown." He said to her confused face, "If I can connect those dots, imagine what the police might do."

She tried pushing him off, "You're talking nonsense."

Raymond pulled his phone from behind his back, and showed her that he pre-punched in 911, but hadn't called them yet. "Once they find you, they'll get a  _real_  suspect. I'll be in the clear."

"I didn't do anything to Katherine," Raven affirmed. Even though she really had nothing to be afraid of, she couldn't ignore the prickle in her gut warning her that his story would seem probable to authorities.

He pretended to think it over, "Well, I don't  _have_  to call them," then he flashed her a wicked smile, "If you do  _something_  for me." The son of a bitch was trying to blackmail her with basically nothing. "You agree to fuck me one more time, and I'll call the dogs off." When she shook her head defiantly, he held his thumb near the screen and smiled, "That's too bad, Raven. Hope you enjoy prison."

_CRACKssss!_

Raven noticed the small crack in the window before she felt a small object graze her arm. She looked down and saw the rectangular laceration, staring at blood forming from the injury. She was about to speak until she felt cold liquid spraying her face. She looked up to see Raymond's head fall and open up his neck.

He put both hands over the bleeding gash, but that was doing little to stop the blood. Without a sound, two new spots materialized on his chest; blood started seeping through his shirt.

He slumped towards her, and she caught his body. After she allowed him to drag her down, she tore his shirt open and piled pieces of fabric over the holes in his chest. His hands were starting to fall back from his neck, so she used her free hand to put more pressure and keep him still. However, covering his wounds occupied her, so she couldn't use his phone to call for help.

Thankfully, she remembered one thing about Raymond's apartment building: annoyingly thin walls.

"Help, somebody!"

* * *

Dick saw a bloodied Raymond being pushed into the hallway before he saw Raven.

The police were interviewing bystanders – cleaning staff, the apartment security, the next-door resident, etc. – and EMTs were packing up the ambulance. After pushing through nosy neighbors and aloof photographers, he finally reached his fiancé.

The dirty color from the blood on her clothes made her stand out against the white leather couch. Even though she was hugging herself, she acted stoic. It looked like her cheeks had been wiped of blood, but that was it. The only obvious physical injury was the bandage wrapped around her bicep.

He removed his coat and draped it over her shoulders before she could protest, then he sat next to her. When he wrapped an arm around her, she automatically leaned her head into his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he spoke into her head, the part of her least covered in blood. He mentally kicked himself for asking such a stupid question.

"You were right," she said, "I should've left well enough alone."

"I don't know if you're being here would've altered whether or not Raymond would've been shot at."

"He's not dead, but I wouldn't put money on him making it," she buried her head further into his neck, "I don't even know how this happened."

"Maybe Katherine's family believed he was guilty, and decided to,  _y'know_ , take care of it," Dick said in hopes to get some kind of reaction from her.

But she responded like she was taking that thought seriously, "Her father had money, but I don't think he had  _that_  much money."

He cradled her face in his hands, "Raven, I'm sure you did everything you could for Raymond," he kissed her forehead. His hand accidentally hovered over her wound, and she winced. "Let's just be grateful that none of your major arteries had been hit, and go home."

"Excuse me," an officer interrupted, "but we're going to need her to make a statement."

Dick looked back at Raven, then said to the officer, "My fiancé just went through something horribly traumatizing. Let me take her home first, then she'll go to the police. Please, officer." He was trying to maintain some level of nicety given that the man in front of him was obviously very new to the job. However, if Dick has to be, well, a  _dick_ , then he would happily use his connections - and Bruce's connections – to get his way.

The officer was prepared to argue, but he looked down at Raven's tired face and took pity on her, "Just…don't tell anyone, okay?"

* * *

He waited until Raven was clean and asleep before leaving. Dick left her a note saying he was going grocery shopping so she wouldn't worry.

And he fully intended to do such, but got sidetracked.

Normally, he would throw his phone in the trunk when he was driving, to avoid any distractions. However, the 5-word text he got before he left his neighborhood forced him to keep it on hand:

**SMS_Unknkown: Meet me at the Orchard.**

The Orchard was an abandoned factory that travelers passed just as they were leaving the city. It took up space and was an eyesore, but the local government refused to demolish it because it had been declared a historic landmark. It had been around before the city had reached a population of at least 10,000.

Today, college students mostly used it for drinking and/or drugs.

Adults used it to make sketchy deals with other adults.

"Were y'waitin' long?"

A burly man in jeans – and an obscene t-shirt that said  _Suck My Richard_  – walked towards him. The guy had a yellow-toothy grin once he reached him, and he smelled like he thought showers were some kind of government conspiracy

"No. What do you want, Hawkleigh?"

Liam Hawkleigh (aka Gunhawk) lit his cigarette in a casual manner, "Can't two buddies have a friendly chat?"

Just as he was about to blow smoke in his face, Dick took the cigarette and crushed it underneath his shoe, "I'm not your buddy."

"Fuckin' hell. You could'a just asked me to put it away," he huffed, "Y'know, cigarettes are expensive these days, pretty boy."

"What. Do. You. Want, Hawkleigh?"

Instead of further coddling Dick – it was quite obvious he was getting frustrated, the man pulled a crumpled check from his pocket and threw it, "Check bounced. Where's my fuckin' money?"

He grabbed the paper using his gloves, "I canceled it," he said.

"A deal's a deal," Hawkleigh sneered, "I did my part. It's yo' turn."

Dick couldn't help but laugh, "It took you three shots to put  _him_  down. I knew I should've called Lawton. Even with late-notice jobs, he does better work."

The man pushed Dick against the pillar, "Watch yo' fuckin' mouth. I wouldn't mind leavin' with yo' blood on my hands, but I prefer to get my money."

He pushed back with equal force, "Calm down, Hawkleigh, you'll get your money. I'm just reducing the amount. By 10%."

"Fuckin' hell! 10%?! That ain't fair!"

"It's perfectly reasonable to me. I specifically told you nobody else got hurt. But you slipped up."

The sniper growled, "It was just a graze! Sure as fuck not worth takin' 10%."

"I'm afraid you don't have a say in the matter. You either take the money or leave it." When it looked like the man was about to threaten police exposure, Dick said, "If you tell, which one of us do you think they're going to trust, if they even do believe you: the hired gun or the CEO of a multi-national company?"

Hawkleigh grimaced, "You ain't shit, pretty boy," and grabbed him by the collar, "I want my money.  _All_ of it, y'hear me?"

Dick let out a disappointed sigh, he was so hoping for a civilized conversation.

He pinched Hawkleigh's thumb, forcing the other man to release and cower. With one hand painfully gripping the thumb, he had the opportunity to kick his gut. Then, Dick released the hand, and wrapped his arm around the man's neck. Hawkleigh tried clawing his way to freedom; however, it seemed to be ineffective. In a last ditch effort, Hawkleigh tried to get up and push him into the concrete wall, back first. But, he wouldn't budge.

Even after the man slipped into unconsciousness, he held his grip for a few minutes, hoping to stop oxygen from reaching the brain. As soon as he could no longer feel a pulse, he lay the body on the ground.

Dick wiped the sweat from his forehead, "I guess it's a good thing I didn't call Lawton," and used Hawkleigh's lighter to set the check on fire.

* * *

Occasionally, friends would call and disrupt Raven's sleep, and she was completely grateful for that. Every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was Raymond's bleeding corpse.

She finally exited her bed when she heard a knock on her door, quite relieved to leave her bedroom.

She mentally retracted that statement when she saw who was behind her door.

"Hello, Dr. Roth."

Two policemen that she'd seen from earlier were standing behind Commissioner Gordon, almost as if they were waiting for her to bolt.

"You didn't come in for your questioning."

Raven calmly said, "One of your officers told my fiancé it was okay for me to come in later."

"Well," he said, "That officer was mistaken. We have a few questions we'd like you to answer back at the station."

She frowned, "Do questions regarding today's  _events_  really require me to leave my home?"

"Actually, doctor, we also have additional questions we'd like to ask you, about Katherine Moth."


	5. V

"  **When anger rises, think of the consequences. "**

~ Confucius

* * *

"Do you know why you're here,  _Ms._  Roth?"

_You dragged me out of my home and forced me to come here,_  was what Raven wanted to say. However, she found a way to remain composed and poised as the detective tried to jolt her.

"Can I assume it has to do with Raymond McCreary?" she asked, also trying to hide the visible shivers that came from saying his name.

"A little bit," he said, "and a little bit about Katherine Moth. Do you know anything about that, too?"

She folded her hands on the table, "I know Katherine's missing. It's all over the papers. And, I believe, Mr. McCreary was accused of being involved."

The detective smirked at her, "I think you know a little more than that."

Raven frowned, "Do I need to call my counsel?" Legally speaking, she wasn't arrested.

That didn't mean the detective trying to get her to budge wouldn't hesitate to treat her like a criminal. "If you don't have anything to hide, you shouldn't need a lawyer," he said.

_That's what they always say – which is, of course, bull_ , Raven thought. "I'm here as a courtesy, detective," she reminded instead.

He chuckled, "Then, as a courtesy, tell me about your relationship with Ms. Moth."

She treaded carefully, "I knew Katherine from high school. Her father is my current boss, so the last time I remember speaking with her was at a hospital fundraiser a few weeks ago." She decided to omit the parts about Katherine hanging around the office abusing interns.

"Do you spend any personal time with your boss' daughter?" The shake of her head caused him to smile wider, "I guess that makes sense since you were her favorite target," and he dropped a manila folder in front of her. "No offense but the thing with the honey was hilarious," he said as he opened the file for her to see. There weren't pictures inside; actually, the folder just had sealed, written reports/accounts from teachers and students.

She only blinked at his mocking, quite aware that he was just trying to instigate some sort of emotional response from her.

He asked, "What's your relationship with Mr. McCreary?"

She reserved her right to remain silent; she didn't like to think of herself as easily gullible, but even Raven would occasionally put her foot in somebody's mouth.

"You dated him in college, then you two got engaged," he showed her the newspaper article where Raymond published their engagement photo (despite Raven's disapproval). "Then you got engaged to his best friend. You move fast, I'll give you that," he tried to get her angry again.

"Is this going anywhere, Detective?"

He loomed over her, "Why were you at his apartment when he was shot,  _Ms_. Roth? You switching fiancés?"

It was getting a little harder to remain calm around this asshole.

"I think you went to his apartment to convince your ex-fiancé to kill your high school bully." Raven almost laughed at the irony of the situation, how easily Raymond predicted this exact moment before he was shot. "And, to cover up your tracks, you then had the hitman killed."

She took a deep breath before she said, "I can't lie and say I have a stellar relationship with either Raymond or Katherine. While your theory is possible, it's merely circumstantial. I didn't ask  _him_  to kill anybody, and I know nothing about  _her_  disappearance. Since you're not charging me with anything, I assume I'm free to walk out. And, from now on, I refuse speak with you or your colleagues without a lawyer present."

A petty part of Raven wanted to laugh at his sweaty eyebrow and twitchy expression, but she held back.

* * *

Katherine Moth accused Raven of stealing and selling prescription drugs. It didn't make sense for Raven to be the culprit – her record was almost perfect. However, the hospital was missing medication, there weren't any other leads, and HR was anxious to tamp down the issue; so they questioned her anyways. It was hard to remember the gritty details of the investigation, but, because Raven refused to take the blame, she was put on unpaid leave for at least two weeks.

That was when he decided to get rid of the problem. He had no idea he was facing a hydra: with every issue he eliminated, more sprouted out in the remains.

Contrary to his actions, Dick Grayson had no idea what was doing.

After he mutilated Katherine (his rage may have pushed him overboard), he used an ax to dismember her corpse. At the first sight of bone surrounded by blood, he vomited into her purse. When he realized the exact situation he put himself in, he sat next to her body and tried to contain his sobs. He had five minutes of silence before he finally calmed down and continued his task. After his little breakdown, he could function enough to remove the body and any evidence.

In between tasks, Dick would look over to his phone and stare at his screensaver: a photo of Raven in the park telling him to stop taking her photo. It was one of his favorite pictures, and he liked to look at it whenever he was stressed.

He loved her, desperately. He wanted to please her. He wanted to eliminate anything that would make her cry or cause her pain.

Now, she was alone at a police station for a crime she didn't commit.

There wouldn't be a clean way to say this and still convey the gravity of the situation: he fucked up.

* * *

"You're a lucky woman,  _Ms._  Roth."

Raven, who had been sitting in silence for what felt like hours, looked up to see the detective throw two articles in front of her.

At 1 PM that same day, the press revealed to the public that Raymond McCreary survived his injuries. The article wrote of how he wouldn't've survived without the medical assistance of Dr. Raven Roth. He was fully awake, but still very injured.

Two hours after that article was released, and against his lawyers' counsel, he held a private interview with the local news where he confessed to taking part in the abduction of Katherine Moth. His original intention was to use the daughter of his client to force a business merger. However, he only wanted to kidnap her and is not currently aware of her current location.

The detective narrowed his eyes at her, "I find it awfully convenient that just as we were getting somewhere, someone takes the fall for you." She didn't say anything, and he probably wouldn't care if she had. "If you're somehow involved, I promise you– "

"That's enough, Detective."

The detective paused to see Kate Spencer glide in. She cast Raven a silent look of concern. After a look of assurance was returned, Kate's face turned angry, "This  _interview_  is done." Raven moved around the table towards the exit. Before the detective could get to her, Kate stood in between them, "Any further questions or contact with my client will go through me first. And don't think your abuse of power will be forgotten, _detective_."

As soon as the two left the building, Raven thanked the woman for saving the day. "I assume I had every right to walk out," she said, "but I thought it might make me look even guiltier."

Kate smiled politely, "You know what they say about people who assume. Besides, you did the right thing remaining silent. Guilty or not, it's better to keep shut."

She frowned, "Do you think I'm involved?"

Kate paused before she said, "Usually, when the authorities pull in innocent people, it's because they believe there's motive. I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to make up some reason to pin you as a suspect."

That wasn't an answer, but Raven knew better than to speak anymore on the matter.

* * *

Dick was packing up his suitcase when he heard Raven come home. He needed to leave, to get away so he wouldn't cause her any more harm.

He lucked out when he remembered the small collection of Scopolamine he (secretly) obtained from South America. It wouldn't take much to kill someone, but with a minor inhale of powder the victim became susceptible to  _any_  suggestion. Raymond wouldn't remember why he decided to confess to the crime and would try to fight it to the best of his ability, but video confessions were pretty damning evidence.

He cleaned up his mess this time, but what would he be so lucky the next time he failed to fully protect Raven?

"Dick," she called from the doorway. Her voice was soft, but Dick could still identify her in a heartbeat. "Are you going somewhere?" So, she saw the luggage.

He rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, Bruce needed me to go––"

"Don't lie," she was shaking, "If you're afraid of me now, just tell me."

His heart broke. His strong Raven crumbling before his eyes, "That's not––"

"To be perfectly candid, I didn't care if other people thought I somehow killed her," she said to his shoes, "because I knew that you would believe I'm innocent. But if  _you_  think I'm capable of killing her…maybe I am guilty."

Dick walked forward and pulled Raven to his chest, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the top of her head, "That's not it, Rave, it's not. I was just…"  _I was trying to protect you and I fucked up so badly that it nearly got you accused of murder, that's why I'm leaving so I won't hurt you anymore_. "I was putting my winter clothes away to make some more room in the drawers."

She made no indication as to whether or not she believed him. She was also afraid that if she returned his hug, he would turn away. So she continued to smother her face into his body, "I can't lose you,  _Robin_."

He held her face and kissed every part that he could, "You won't, Raven," he spoke with conviction, "I know you didn't do this. You're kind and gentle and incapable of such a horrid act. I'm just…I don't know how to make this better."

Finally, Raven wrapped her arms around him and whispered, "Just hold me, please."

Dick buried his face in her neck and rocked her back and forth, his resolve to leave her extinct. He would do better. Now he remembered that she needed him almost as much as he needed her.


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know any of the triggering stuff I warned about isn't blatantly popping up. But I've been known to write some gory stuff. So, I figure I won't try to overwhelm readers with extraneous mentions of gore.

"  **Hard though it may be to accept, remember that guilt is sometimes a friendly internal voice reminding you that you're messing up. "**

~ Marge Kennedy

* * *

Bruce Wayne didn't like Raven at first. And she knew it, too.

At first, she assumed disapproval through his jabs and occasional silence. When she asked, he neither confirmed nor denied her theory, and that was that. She wasn't going to waste time pining for his approval. Dick hadn't been convinced to leave her, so Raven remained civil. Time passed and the two learned tolerance. They didn't bond on father-daughter terms, but tension glacially decreased.

However, being alone without a buffer (Dick) was a different ordeal. Raven grasped this on a rainy Friday in a restaurant she could never afford.

So, to avoid looking uncomfortable, she focused on anything but the man in front of her.

"Raven, it's rude to rub your chopsticks together," Bruce remarked, "In Japan, rubbing chopsticks tells the restaurant that their utensils are not good enough for use."

She immediately put them down, "I'm sorry, I didn't know." She would handle a few splinters if it meant less of his condescension.

"I used to take the boys here whenever Alfred was away," he said, "It was one of the few places Damian and Tim would not fight."

"How is Tim?"

Timothy Drake was the second youngest of the four, and the most susceptible to injury. One day Tim left school after multiple nose bleeds (no one really knows why because he changes the story every time). Raven made a  _just-in-case_  trip to the hospital before she took him home and nursed the hypochondriac back to health.

Bruce found out that Raven abandoned her interview for a potential partnership at the hospital to care for Tim. As an onlooker to the roller coaster that was Raymond–Raven–Richard, Bruce knew the depths of his son's devotion. He assumed anyone that found something to put before his oldest son wasn't good enough.

"His performance improves every minute he practices with Dick," he wiped leftovers from his lip, "At this rate, he may have a position on the US Olympic team as a gymnast. But that'll be after the wedding. How are the preparations?"

Raven pushed her plate forward, "Mr. Wayne, whatever it is you'd like to ask me, just do so." She hated eggshell-stepping and coated-sugar.

"You're allowed to call me  _Bruce_ , Raven," he said, "And I didn't exactly know how to bring up your recent situation with the police."

"A girl went missing, my ex-fiancé was shot in front of me, and the police thought I did it all," Raven's face remained still the entire time, "I'm sure you already knew that."

Bruce propped his elbows up with folded hands, "Dick informed me of the issue. I'm glad Ms. Spencer was able to reach you in time."

"That was you?" When her counsel, Kate Spencer, arrived at the police station that day, she assumed Dick found a company lawyer to take pity on her.

"Yes. Kate is an old friend of mine and I decided to call in a favor." There were hints of a cheeky smirk at the sight of her surprise, "Consider it a wedding present."

Raven was rarely left speechless. And, if she was by choice, it was usually a sort of sarcastic or frustrated silence. "Why…why would you do that?"

He gestured to the waiter but kept his eyes on her, "The easiest answer would be because my son loves you," Bruce shrugged nonchalantly, "But, truly, I never thought you were guilty. You're smart enough not have such obvious targets immediately."

She watched the older man as he gracefully placed his credit card down (how did one even make paying the check look like a dance?) and tried to find her words for gratitude. Honestly, she was a little freaked out by the compassion and compliments.

"Raven, please remove your chopsticks before the wait staff thinks you're sending them a bad omen."

Ahh. Now she felt like normal.

"With that out of the way, tell me when I will meet your family. I'm assuming your father will be the one to walk you down the aisle. Will your mother be joining you?" She noticeably stiffened. "Come to think of it, I have not seen your family at the engagement party or any of the other gatherings," Bruce said with curiosity.

She scratched the back of her neck, "I assumed Dick told you."

He shook his head, "Dick is kind enough to recognize when secrets are not his to tell."

"That he is," she said, "but there's not much of a secret. I haven't spoken with either of my parents in years."

"Have you thought to contact them? Wouldn't they like to know they were at least invited?"

 _I highly doubt that_ , she thought to herself.

* * *

Dick gulped down his fourth cup of coffee that day out of an ongoing fear that he would see the dead any time he closed his eyes.

He awoke from a nightmare where Katherine ripped Raven's heart from her chest. He went for a run and thought he saw Hawkleigh every time he passed a homeless person (they really need to do something about the homeless population in Gotham). The clock in his office would chime to the sound of a bullet hitting a window every half hour.

All in all, he was having a very bad day.

So, he ditched all of his meetings in favor of a warm bath at home. He would have silence with Raven on her monthly  _get-to-know_  outing with Bruce; however, he desperately preferred her company. It would've been easy to summon her, but, because she was working so hard on her relationship with his father-figure, he thought it was best not to disturb them.

"She's probably better off without you anyways."

His head shot up to see Katherine sitting across from him in his bathtub: her blonde hair was mixed with the dry blood; her eyes were colorless and dull; and her skin was peeling off from old burns. He was pretty sure she was mocking him by wearing a wedding dress and veil.

"There's no point in reminding myself you're not real," Dick gulped, "You won't go away," and he just noticed her fiddling with a knife.

Katherine shrugged, "Obviously I'm in your head, you'd think I'd visit the living wearing  _this_?" He didn't know how to respond to that. "Anyway, you might as well get it over with and listen to what I have to say."

"What do you want, Katherine?"

"What do you think?" she growled, "To be alive would be my number one, you  _fucker_. A nice massage would  _definitely_  be number two!"

He scowled at her, "You need to leave. Now."

"Why did you have to kill _me_? I didn't do  _anything_  to you."

Dick was able to steady his heart rate, "It wasn't about me, it was about Raven."

She titled her head, "You do everything for  _her_. That might be a sign of codependency, Richard."

"Just stop,  _Kitty_ , before…"

"What are you gonna do?" she mocked, "Kill me? C'mon, try harder!"

He grimaced, "Fine. Maybe it wasn't just about Raven," she made a gesture for him to continue, "Maybe it…maybe it was about the fact that she makes me happy and…I don't know, I don't really remember truly being happy for so long."

Katherine applauded him with sarcasm, "Sorry, babe, I left your prize in the incinerator. Don't worry! I brought a  _backup._ "

He shot out of the way before she could lunge at him, accidentally hitting his own head against the wall. She ran into the opposite side of the tub before turning around and swishing with the water back in his direction. Dick pried the knife from her hand and scratch a free area of clean skin on her throat. Blood, no longer a crimson color but a muddy brown, started cascading down her neck like a flooded sink.

Seeing he had her weapon, she put her hands up and  _laughed_ , "I was beginning to wonder where  _that_  asshole went," she teased as the sludge from her neck mixed with her dress.

"You nearly  _ruined_  her, almost destroyed her career! And I knew for a fact that you wouldn't stop unless something stopped you first. Because you thrived on the pain of people you deemed beneath you,  _Kitty_."

"Are you  _actually_  trying to justify what you did to me? What you tried to do to your ex-best friend, Raymond? How about Hawkleigh?"

"No, I'm not," he answered honestly, "I shouldn't of…I was wrong to…I have to tell the police don't I?"

Katherine scoffed, "Oh quit it, you baby! Telling the police means you don't get that happy ending you've worked so damn hard for. You can kiss that white-picket fence with Raven and your eleven kids goodbye if you tell anybody."

Dick was perplexed, "Then, why are you here?"

"I'm a figment of  _your_  imagination," she said, "trying to remind you how guilty you feel, and make you paranoid." She sunk back into the tub and flicked at the water, "Y'know, since you feel  _so_  bad about taking my life."

He ran a hand over his head, "I really  _do_  feel bad and…how can I ever truly be happy if I can't get past  _this_?"

"FYI, this is murder, not a bad grade," Katherine rolled her eyes, "You think you're the first person to destroy other people's lives to get their own happiness? Welcome to America, you  _bastard_. You better get used to blood on your hands," eyeing his hands before she jumped back into the water.

Dick looked down at his right hand spotted with the blood from his head. He quickly sunk his hands into the bath water and searched for the bath's drain-plug.

"Dick?"

His head shot up to see his wife-to-be waiting at the door, seeing her fiancé with a bleeding forehead and covered in dirty, red bath water.

* * *

"I swear it was an accident. I didn't mean to––Ow!"

Raven accidentally pulled on the thread of his stitches a too fast. She apologized with her eyes and tied the needle, "I just don't understand why you were standing in the bathtub to begin with."

"Raven, it's a little embarrassing, and I don't really want to go into further detail with the woman who still has time to back out of marrying me," he tried to still his legs against the kitchen counter as she tried to repair him.

Her head tilted as she placed a Band-Aid over his wound, "It would take a lot more than bleeding over the bathtub to convince me to back out now."

Dick stared at her, "Exactly how much is 'a lot'?"

Raven couldn't help but laugh, "The minute you start kicking orphans, I'll start considering prenuptials or running away with Jinx."

He put his hand over hers, "Seriously, Raven," Dick was trying to prevent his worry from seeping out of his voice.

Raven's faced turned from playful to pensive, "What's going on?" His silence was starting to scare her, " _Robin_?"

"I…Have you ever done something that made you feel so guilty, you would never know if you'd get over it?"

Raven rubbed his back, "Everybody makes mistakes, love."

"Even if it's something unforgiveable?  _With_  originally good intentions?"

"What do you mean by 'originally' good intentions?"

Dick was about to scratch his head before he remembered his wound. "I mean starting out as trying to protect someone, then it kind of got out of control."

She proceeded with caution, "Are you speaking hypothetically or…?"

He took her hand and pulled her closer, "What if I did something bad in the past out of love, something that could change the way you see me  _forever_? I would feel guilty now, but if I move on and get everything I wanted then…what does that make me?"

"I can't honestly say how I would react if you did something supposedly as awful as you're saying," Raven cupped his face in her hands, "But I want to believe that I could get passed it. A good person is allowed to make an arguably bad choice. What good will it do for you to stop and feel sorry for yourself? There's a reason people choose to forgive, but never forget. That one mistake shouldn't be what defines you, but it sure as hell shouldn't be ignored. It should be a reminder of someone you don't want to be, a reminder to be better. The fact that someone's feeling guilty says a lot, love. It shows humanity, and a sense of redemption."

Dick leaned the good side of his head into her shoulder, "I guess you're right."

" _Robin_ , we  _all_  do bad shit. Don't let it consume you because it won't do anybody good," she kissed his temple, "Do you want to tell me what's going on, now?"

He pulled her in between his legs and cradled her waist, nuzzling his nose against her scrubs, "Not right now. Maybe…some other time."

She seemed fine with that answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **FINAL NOTE:** I recommend going onto  _ **StoryCorps**_  and listening/reading the story of  _Mary Johnson (MJ) and Oshea Israel (OI)_. Their story might help explain some of the perspective Raven has as she's comforting Dick.


	7. VII

"  **Look back over the past, with its changing empires that rose and fell, and you can foresee the future, too. "**

~ Marcus Aurelius

* * *

" _You've been doing better, girl. Tomorrow, I'll allow you to leave your room."_

_She hesitantly looked up, "Then can I leave the grounds? I haven't had a trip outside since…" it'd been so long, she'd forgotten._

_He scoffed, "You should of thought of that before the_ last _incident." He gripped her shoulder like a net suffocates a butterfly. "Why would you possibly want to leave?"_

To get away from you _, is what Raven wanted to say. Instead, she sat still in silence._

" _Accept that this is your home. I won't tolerate your ungrateful attitude much longer, child." He pulled her hair as an act of force. "I took you in, gave you a roof and clothes, and allowed you to live. If it weren't for me, you and the_ whore _would still be on the street_ _."_

_Raven landed back on her bed clutching her scalp. She didn't tear her eyes from him out of fear._

" _Tomorrow, your sessions with Sebastian Blood will begin. I expect you to behave accordingly. Or, I will_ personally _see to it that you never leave this room. Understood?" He slammed her door as his closing argument._

* * *

Raven looked down at the little girl and carefully wiped at the leg wound. She saw the child wince, and waited for any signal to continue her care. "You're doing wonderful, Lian," she reassured. Then, she turned to the man pacing in the background, "And,  _you're_  overreacting, Roy."

He stopped midway and grimaced at her, "Et tute,  _Raven_?"

"She barely has a scratch," she said as she smoothed down a  _CareBears_  band-aid.

"Yeah,  _this_  time. It could've easily been worse."

"I just wanted to shoot arrows like you, Daddy!" Lian said, with wide, watery eyes. Cheeky little girl really knew how to play her cards. "I'm really sorry," she said, but her lower lip was out in a cutesy way that made it sound like "I'm weally sowwy".

Roy, still learning to fight against those doe-eyes and baby-talk, refused to look at her. That only lasted a couple minutes. "I forgive you, Lian," he mumbled.

The little girl hopped off the table and hugged her father, "I promise I won't ever try to shoot arrows blindfolded indoors again." Then, she followed a nurse out to get a lollipop, her small limp barely noticeable.

Roy started pulling on his jacket, "I am a horrible father," he said.

"No you're not, Roy. You're just horrible at hiding your stuff." Raven pat him on the back, "You can't blame your little girl for wanting to be like her dad. All you really need to do is invest in a giant-ass safe."

"Is that a hint for what you want as a wedding gift?"

"What's a wedding gift?" Lian rejoined them. She gripped her father's hand in one hand and carried a cherry lollipop in the other.

"A gift for the wedding," Roy joked, "Your Aunt gets a reward for deciding to babysit Uncle Richard for the rest of her life."

"What do you want for a present, Auntie Raven?" You could see in her eyes that she was already constructing her own coupon-book in her head, or making her own picture frame out of popsicle sticks.

She kissed the little girl's cheek, "All you need to do is come to my wedding."

Lian looked up at Roy, "Are you gonna get me a gift when I get married?"

Raven said, "Your Dad would pay for your wedding."

"But, you're not allowed to get married," he quickly interjected.

The little girl giggled at her father's protective tone and turned back to Raven, "Is your daddy paying for your wedding?"

The adult woman's eyebrows went up briefly as she processed Lian's question. "No, he's not."

"But I thought––"

Roy interrupted, "Lian, we have to go now. Aunt Raven has more rugrats she's gotta take care of." He started to swing her around like an airplane, the ultimate child distraction.

Lian waved goodbye to her aunt, or at least tried to in when she wasn't flying in her father's arms.

* * *

The rest of her day was fairly dull– dull enough for memories of her childhood to occasionally ram into her mind. She felt disappointed in herself for allowing them to even reach her conscious mind. She was a grown woman: why should she even give her thoughts…well, second thoughts, to a terrible time with––

"So, I finally figured out why our water bill is so high."

Raven blinked and realized she was no longer showering, just staring at the wall.

Dick was in front of the glass door waiting for her attention. His tie was off, his hair was in disarray, and his eyes looked a little baggy. But he still had that diamond-sparkle smile on his face.

"You're home early," she said as she reached for a loofah.

"I thought I'd surprise you. I got Thai food waiting for us downstairs," he said as he detached his belt.

"Thanks. I didn't get groceries today…"

He stepped underneath the shower head, "That would make sense, Rave, since we bought the groceries yesterday. You seem a bit distracted. Are you okay?" Dick watched her stiffen, and fought his immediate response to hold her. She appreciated her space and he didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

She passed him the shampoo, "I was just thinking about Lian and Roy."

"Huh. I don't know how to feel about that."

That actually got her to chuckle, "Not even remotely what I meant."

"It got you thinking of  _him._ " He would've kissed her hair, but she hadn't washed it yet.

"He's not important, and I shouldn't be," she said distractedly.

"That's not going to stop you or your big brain," he took the loofah from her hand and scrubbed her skin softly, from her neck to her back, "You see him?"

"No, but I'm going to." Like a majority of couples, communicating and decision-making was something they still needed to work on doing as a cohesive unit. Raven remembered this and added, "Unless it bothers you."

Dick held his tongue: if he opposed it, she would stew, and he didn't want her to resent him. So, fighting the worry from the back of his brain, he said, "If you need to go see him, then you should." Then, he traded the loofah for the shampoo.

She took his place under the shower head and watched his face. He could almost mask his emotions as well as she could; he just didn't have as much practice. "But that's not really how you feel, is it?"

"No," he said, "I have a bad feeling about it, but this isn't about me. I just don't want you to get hurt."

"He won't hurt me,  _Robin_ ," Raven said.

Dick gave her a reassuring smile, "I know. Because I'll kick his ass if he does."

* * *

Raven was waiting patiently on the visitor's side of the window. Around her were a variety of characters: adults visiting their juvenile offenders, lawyers trying to be discrete in public, and families waiting to visit residents who had no other reason being there but were because of systematic injustice. Nobody looked like they wanted to be here.

She refocused her attention to the warden bringing in the prisoners. Immediately, she could spot her's.

He was a little thinner than she remembered; but, she could tell he wouldn't fly backwards in a fight. His hair was long and grey, almost covering the scar on his face. When he finally sat in front of her, she could see a new cut on his lips when he smiled. Also, he seemed to have gotten some new tattoos.

"Hello, Raven," he said into the phone with his eerie rasp. Then, he frowned, "You don't look happy to see me."

"Slade. You look well," she said, "that's unfortunate."

He smiled, "Your hair is different. I'm not very fond of the purple."

"I could give a rat's ass on your opinions of my hair," Raven said. If Dick were there, he'd be surprised by her aggressive nature.

"That's no way to speak to the man who raised you."

Her hand clenched against her thigh. "You didn't raise me, Slade."

"Don't be so ungrateful. I––"

"Put a roof over my head, I know," she interrupted, "But you're not a fucking saint."

Despite Raven's shocking use of language, his grin remained. He was the one behind bars with a look that said he was holding all the cards.

"You shouldn't insult the man who saved you from the  _monster_ ," Slade mock-scolded with a sparkle.

Her nails dug deeper into her jeans, "You want credit for not raping my mother, Slade? Fine, congratulations." He loved to hang over her head the fact that her father raping her mother was what brought them together in the first place. If his acquaintances hadn't found the two squatting in a car and taken them back to her compound, who knows how she would've turned out. But…"It still doesn't excuse everything you've done."

He leaned closer to the window, "And what exactly did I  _do_ , Raven?"

"How about all those  _lessons_  with Brother Blood?" she hissed, "How you played with people's vulnerability for profit? You let that horrible man turn your so-called  _children_  into soldiers." At this point, she was pretty sure she had holes in her pants. "You abused and victimized hundreds of misfortunate people to complying with cruelty. Yeah my father was a monster, but you have no authority to throw that word around either. And, if you hadn't been stopped, who knows how many others you would've hurt."

Slade's smirk dissolved, forgetting the pleasure he was getting from seeing Raven unravel. "I almost forgot how it was you that took me away from  _our_  family."

"Not a family, Slade. Your  _cult_ ," now, Raven could smirk, "And I wake up every morning proud that I did."

He sneered at her, "Watch your tongue. Don't forget all the things I  _know_  about you, Raven. One word from me could ruin your perfect little world with the rich boy. Richard Grayson, right? You sure know the right ones to open your legs to. It'd be a shame if something horrible happened to him, no?"

The likelihood of someone believing his word against hers was very slim, but Raven knew never to underestimate threats from her former "leader". Unluckily for him, she knew how to play it back: "If you or anybody that works for your twisted organization goes near him, letting you rot in here will be the  _kindest_  thing I ever do to you. And that's a promise."

"Are you sure you want to make threats your incapable of living up to,  _little girl_?"

Raven said between her teeth, "You're the one who  _raised_  me, Slade. You tell me."

* * *

Dick was drumming his fingers to the sound of Van Halen as he waited for Raven to finish her visit. He hoped everything was going well. She declined his offer to accompany her; in hindsight, it was probably better for him to be outside, far away from the man who held her innocence hostage.

"Any murderous urges lately?"

Dick turned his head to see Liam Hawkleigh sitting in the passenger seat. His skin was white-gray like a rainy day, and his veins looked like the blue sky in between the cracks of a cloud. The legs of his jeans were slightly burnt and he was wearing a new T-shirt saying, "What doesn't kill me had better start running."

"I thought after ya' went killin' two people, you'd wanna get the numbers up." Hawkleigh then reached behind his pocket and grabbed a half-eaten chocolate bar. He held it up to Dick's face, "Wanna bite?"

Dick stared at the dead man for a few seconds before he started looking out the window, making sure nobody else was around. "How long do you think you're going to be here?" he asked.

"Ain't up to me," Hawkleigh said with a mouthful of chocolate, "Ya' could leave and go kill the man responsible for ya' woman's baggage. But, you won't. You're just gonna sit in this car with me, like a good lil' boy who kills two people and frames his former best friend."

"I'm already aware that I have to live with what I did for the rest of my life," he said, more to himself.

"Don't f'get the afterlife!" the ghost cackled. He wiped imaginary tears from his eyes, "But ya' probably get over it. After all, ya' got a nice pair of tits to keep you warm."

Dick grimaced, "Don't talk about her like that."

"She's the reason yo' in this mess, right?"

"No, she isn't. I'm the one who made the choice to act."

"To make her happy? To protect her?" Hawkleigh smiled wider, "That just burns, doesn't it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"That," the ghost started waving his hands around, "What scares ya' more, pretty boy? The fact that you'd do all this shit again if it meant protectin' her or the fact that knowin' that doesn't make ya' feel guilty?"

Dick remained silent, because he didn't know how to respond to that. What answer could he possibly give that would ever justify everything he'd done up to this point? None. He was of sound mind and knew exactly the difference from right and wrong. The fact that he actually killed people worried him more than the fact that he wouldn't hesitate to do it again if it meant keeping the people he loved safe. What did people call that? Was there even a name for people like him?

Hawkleigh swapped the candy wrapper for a cigarette, "When I did my thing, I had a lil' problems at the beginnin'. After that fourth o' fifth time, you get used to it," he leaned over and smiled, "That means ya' got three more t'go."

"I don't even know why we're having this conversation."

He shrugged, "Maybe it's just a way for ya' to pass the time. Maybe ya' need to convince yourself that she won't leave ya' when she finds out. I don't fuckin' know!" He took a moment to look at the man next to him. "What'cha gonna do when she finds out?"

Dick was hesitant to answer, "I don't know." There was a very tiny chance that Raven would understand, just as there was a larger chance that she would leave him and turn her into the police.

"Could'ya quit, cold turkey?"

"Yes," his answer was more confident, "I killed because you two might've placed a potential threat in the future, not on impulse." That was half true.

Hawkleigh squished his cigarette against the cup holder, "Then, maybe there's hope for ya' after all, pretty boy."

* * *

After a day of dealing with so many demons, Raven and Dick decided it would be best to skip another of Bruce's extravagant hangouts. The thought of pizza and a banana split was suddenly more appealing than tuna tartare. And after their casual dinner near their home, they decided to take a cliché walk in the park to make up for all the ice cream they ate.

"Did today help at all?" Dick asked once they reached an old water fountain in the middle of the local park.

"I think so," she said, "I can't really explain how or why, but it did." Sure, it didn't give her all the closure she needed, but visiting Slade in prison was a load off her chest. Seeing him behind the glass just reminded her that she was the one who put him there. There was a small sense of worry when he made his veiled threat against Dick, but Raven didn't worry. She had been fighting him for so long, like hell would she give up now. "Now, I can go back to focusing on the wedding."

He kissed her cheek, "I am amazed at how you face your demons."

"You could do it too, love."

"Maybe," he stared at the sky above them, "Someday."

Raven squeezed his hand, "Of course. Whenever you decide– if you do, I'll be with you."

Dick stopped walking to embrace her. His hand immediately went to the side of her face, to brush his fingers against her smooth skin before he kissed her lips. It was only a small peck that he quickly pulled away from, but it still told her of his love and adoration. He looked at her eyes and saw the feelings were reciprocated.

He thought back onto his conversation with Hawkleigh. Raven would find out, that was inevitable. Secrets always had away of surprising people. How would she feel if he told her? How would she feel if he didn't? What would she think of him? If the roles had been reversed, Dick liked to think he'd be understanding, but even he couldn't say that for sure.

He wouldn't keep secrets from her, his fate be damned. If it meant he would be apart from her– he would never smell her in the morning, never have a lovely lunch in the day, and never hold her before the night– then that would be the punishment. But there was no reason for her to suffer with him.

"Raven. There's something I have to––"

"Do you believe in God?"

Dick turned around to see a man in a pinstripe suit– who still wears pinstripe suits?– interrupting them. The man was looking at him with a look that reminded Dick of Igor from  _Young Frankenstein_ , if Igor was at least 200 pounds and had a ponytail.

"I'm sorry?"

The man chuckled, "Do you believe in the one true god? The devil incarnate. The ruler of the seven realms. The man who graces us with the blood of the living."

Dick couldn't remember the last time he was so confused. He turned to Raven, wondering if she shared the same thoughts of the sudden encounter with this man…and another man in the same suit conspicuously waiting behind a light.

She didn't. Her face was hardened and her hand was now on Dick's wrist, trying to pull him away from the stranger.

"We're not interested," Raven said with a venom that Dick didn't recognize.

"Ain't that a shame!" the man came out from behind the light. He was taller and it was obvious this man was bald even behind his ugly brown fedora. He put his hands over Raven's shoulder without hesitating, "The ways of the lord will open your eyes to new possibilities. I think you two would benefit from the words of Scath."

Dick was just about to argue when he felt a knife press into his back. His eyes quickly scanned around them to see if anyone noticed this suspicious situation, but the surroundings were absent of anyone else.

"Take a few minutes to hear what we have to say. You won't be disappointed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in a rush to get this to you guys because I felt bad for being gone for so long, so if it seems like there are more errors and is paced weirdly, that's why. Not blaming you guys, I take responsibility for taking so long and only writing at 3 in the morning.


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late and unedited, I know. I can't promise I'll be faster because I don't think I can keep it.

"  **I believe the life of every person is worthy of scrutiny, containing its own secrets and dramas. "**

~ Krzysztof Kieslowski

* * *

"Take a few minutes to hear what we have to say. You won't be disappointed," said ponytail goon.

At least that's the last thing Dick remembered hearing when he was at the park.

He blinked once, then he was home.

Raven was home too. She was…putting a bandage on his head. Every few seconds she would force him to look at her to make sure he was still breathing. She was wearing only a robe and her hair was dripping. She must've taken a shower. It explained why her skin was red, like she was trying really hard to wipe off dirt.

"I didn't mean to kick you so hard," she apologized. She kept lightly pressing the gauze on his head, "No concussion, but we should keep checking to make sure that remains the case."

Dick looked startled, " _You_  kicked me?"

"Sorry,Robin. I thought you were another attacker."

They were in the park together when he decided he was going to tell Raven the truth about his crimes. Before he could, two men in suits decided to interrupt. They didn't want money, just wanted to "spread the word of Scath". It seemed like Raven knew them because they were talking about Slade. The goons were too distracted by her that they didn't see him pulling his keys from his pockets. A hit and a kick later, he was able to take ponytail's knife. Dick got a few punches in to keep him down. Then it got a little blurry because Raven, apparently, kicked him. But in between those blurs, he saw patches of Raven dislocating the other guy's shoulder and Raven dragging around the attackers like Santa pulls his bag of toys. He heard a ripping and a crack before he blacked out.

"What happened to those guys?"

"They ran off," she said as she guided him to the bed. She pulled the covers back so he could sit and tucked him in. "I don't think they were eager to stick around after you started punching them."

"They were probably more afraid of the girl whose roundhouse never stopped," Dick said as sirens blared in the back of his mind. Why did it feel like she was lying to him? If only his memories were reliable.

"I think we both held our own. Did you parents teach you to defend yourself in the circus?"

"No, Bruce. Definitely have to thank him later." He felt a need to test her honesty, "I take it you took a self-defense class in college."

"I learned how to fight as a kid, sort of." No more was spoken on the matter.

So, she wasn't completely lying. Dick knew about her childhood in the cult – he knew that's where Arella found sanctuary after her parents shut her out for giving birth to Raven and that Slade made her do horrible things. He didn't know the details, but he figured he'd wait for Raven to fill him in.

Granted he's been waiting for almost five years. But who was he to pry?

"I'm going to make a cup of tea," Raven kissed his nose lightly, "Should I bring you up anything?" When he shook his head, she handed him the remote, "Stay here and relax. We'll check your temperature when I get back."

"Don't be gone too long," he said.

She paused at the door for a moment, "You were really brave tonight," and left with a loving smile.

Neither of them thought to ask the other about calling the police.

* * *

_The first Raven ever killed for Slade was a brother to the cult. He was an "alleged" pervert. The cult was oddly progressive in its intolerance for perverts. One story and Slade declared a banishing, without protest from followers. So, the man threatened to speak to the media if Slade followed through. He was too stupid to realize that banishing didn't always mean exile._

_Brother Blood personally suggested Raven do it because she was the only one who seemed to be the most "emotionally stable" in training. And Raven agreed because Slade said he would let her visit her mother once she completed her task. But, as anyone knows, training is completely different from reality._

_She was doing her best to remain calm, and she was struggling. Any eleven-year-old would after stabbing a man. How easy it was to persuade him didn't change the disgust Raven felt towards herself. She threw up in his desk twice before she had to dismember the body and dissolve it in acid. After the acid, she dry-heaved as she exited._

_The way Sebastian spoke of killing was nothing like it actually was._

_The blood spilling from his body was warm and sticky. The man's intestines were dying to exit the confines of his body, using the wound from the knife as an opening. She wanted to put the man out of his misery with a gun, but remembered she wasn't allowed because the noise would attract attention. While he may have deserved such a gruesome death, Raven could never say she enjoyed giving it to him._

_Sebastian spoke of shots of the many emotions he felt from killing: excitement, as he stabs his victims; curiosity, as he watches their life fade into the stars; pleasure, as he relives the acts repeatedly in his own head; and envy, as the feeling passes and he will not get that pleasure until the next time._

_Raven felt none of the above._

_Sebastian also said that the nervousness she experienced before a kill would fade with more kills. Of all the things he told her, that may have scared her the most. Maybe that made her more human. Maybe that meant she wasn't meant for murder and corpse clean-up._

_Either way, it was a bitch._

_Slade and Brother Blood were in her room, waiting with smiles like proud parents._

" _I take it you had a successful mission. How did it feel?" Sebastian asked with eagerness in his eyebrows._

" _I think I'm going to throw up again." The two men laughed._

" _You'll get used to it."_

I don't want to _, she thought to herself. "Was that really necessary? To kill him?"_

_Slade gave her a look of surprise, making her regret even speaking. "Are you saying the man did not deserve punishment?" he asked with an emotion she couldn't decipher._

" _Not at all," Raven muttered. He violated women of the cult and deserved a severe consequence. "But did he deserve to die?"_

_Sebastian scoffed, "Tell us what you would've done then, little girl."_

_Raven didn't want to talk about how she would have cut his genitals before she paralyzed him from the waist down, forcing him to see that his weapon was no longer of use. How she would've moved him to a room with a window and forced him to watch as women were no longer prey to his touch. How she would've broken every bone in his body until he felt as violated as his victims. If she was feeling really creative, after he was healed, she would've brought a woman to his room to taunt him and mock his impotence. She didn't want to think about any of those ideas, let alone admit to them._

_But, Slade and Sebastian could already see them without question. They admired the darkness inside her._

" _You're covered in blood," said Slade, "You should get clean before you see your mother." When she reached for the towel, he immediately pulled it out of her reach. "But first, you must do one more thing."_

" _What?" Apparently, she hadn't done enough for him._

" _Lick the blood off your lip."_

_Raven's eyebrows shot up in horror, trying to ignore the excitement in Sebastian as she comprehended his request: having a child assassin commit a vile act of licking off a dead man's blood from her skin._

" _Do it, little girl," Slade commanded, "Or you don't get to see your mother."_

 _Raven squeezed her eyes tight and counted to three. Then, she let her tongue swipe on its own across her upper lip. The liquid stung against her taste buds. She opened her eyes again to see the two men patiently waiting for her to_ clean _her lips. Raven was overwhelmed by the metallic taste in her mouth and was afraid to get any of the red onto anywhere that might leave an aftertaste._

_Once she finished, she ran to her bathroom to throw up again._

* * *

"How Raven puts up with you, I'll never know. But, she deserves a medal!"

"Roy, I said I was sorry."

Dick's injury never reached full concussion; however, by the wrath of his fiancé, he stayed at home. How was Dick supposed to know Raven was getting him a babysitter?

"'Sorry' doesn't get the hot soup off my pants, you prick."

And how was Dick supposed to know the first thing Roy would do was wake him up with soup?

"Is that how you wake up to Rae? Because, if it is, she's gonna have some problems."

He was asleep with events of last night replaying. Startled by a shove on his shoulder, Dick rolled over and punched his friend in the stomach. Accidentally, he startled the small table besides him and pushed hot chicken noodle onto an injured Roy Harper.

Roy walked back in wearing a pair of Dick's sweatpants, "Maybe when West comes over to watch you, you'll be nicer to him."

Dick scowled, "How many people did Rave rope into looking after me? I'm not completely helpless." It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the concern, he just wanted alone time to think about how Raven was acting towards him.

"It's your punishment for a head injury and for marrying a doctor," he handed Dick a thermometer, "Take your temperature so I can give said doctor a status update."

"I hope you take care of Lian better than this," Dick muttered.

"My little girl does a pretty good job of not spilling on me, even with a head injury," Roy texted Raven the temperature he read, "How did you even hit your head anyways?"

"I'm sure Raven already told you already," he evasively answered.

"She said you two had an altercation with some muggers and you were trying to be a hero," he looked up from his phone, "She also says you just need to rest today and you should be able to work again tomorrow. Did you  _really_  try to fight a mugger?"

"What answer can I give you that will make you shut up?"

Roy laughed, "So that's a 'yes'. Now I feel better."

"You're supposed to be making me feel better, Roy," Dick said as he grabbed a pillow and threw it at his friend, who dodged it without effort. "I just didn't want him to hurt Raven."

"You probably already know this but she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself."

Dick only nodded, last night once again popping into his brain. How was he so sure Raven was lying to him? Dick noticed small things like the tone of her voice getting lower or the way she always tried to find something to do with her hands. Sometimes she would play with her hair or his shirt while she lied through her teeth. He'd seen the behavior before when she was surprising him for their anniversary or his birthday.

"You still there, Grayson?" Roy interrupted, "I should tell you that I'm not certified in CPR."

"Then why did Raven ask you to take care of me?"

Roy shrugged, "Probably because I was the only one who had a day off," and turned on the news. Vicki Vale was on the TV talking about Raymond's upcoming trial and how the police still had yet to find Kitty's body.

Dick noticed Roy clenching the remote in his fist as he watched the camera cut to her family, talking about how Kitty could do no wrong. "Do you think she got what she was deserved?" he asked after a moment.

"She was…a  _nuisance_ ," he said, "I guess that's the nicest way to put it. Does she deserve to be treated like an innocent party? Not really. Did she deserve to be murdered by that rich asshole? No, also."

"Raven doesn't talk about Katherine often. She still hasn't processed Raymond doing such a terrible thing."

"That's because her pride won't let her," Roy answered, "She's probably beating herself up about not being able to see any 'murder signs' from Raymond. She's has a knack for reading others' emotions, even back then."

Even though Roy probably had a point, Dick couldn't help but feel that something else was missing. "How much do you know about Raven's childhood?"

He turned to Dick with a suspicious expression, "Probably just as much as you do. She's a private person." That was an understatement. Hell, in high school he didn't even find out that Raven grew up in cult until months after Slade's trial. "Something's obviously bothering you, Grayson, so spit it out."

Dick frowned, "Nothing's bothering me, at least…I just have this feeling that she's keeping something from me."

Roy laughed, "She probably is. Do you honestly expect me to believe you've told her everything about you?"

Well,  _damn_.

* * *

During her lunch break, Raven made sure to visit Slade. She needed to get to the bottom of the little attack. This time, she didn't have Dick by her side to keep her calm, something she was noticeably both disappointed and relieved about.

Had she not kicked him in the head, he would've gotten a first seat to the gem of a monster that Slade created.

Speaking of the wannabe-devil, he was quite surprised to see her visiting him.

"No need to look so disappointed," Raven said, allowing herself a cocky smirk.

"That's two visits in a row, Raven," he remarked, "To what do I owe this honor?" He wasn't afraid, just  _fucking_  annoyed.

"I just want to let you know that I met up with a few of your  _friends_."

Slade leaned closer towards the window, "I don't possibly know what you're speaking of, little girl."

She slammed a photo of the two men sitting peacefully on a bench– at least, their bodies sitting on a bench. "Your friends ambushed me at the park. When they couldn't convert me and my fiancé, I  _convinced_ themto leave us alone."

He momentarily forgot his annoyance and switched to a look of pride, "And how exactly did you do that?"

"Simply told them they should go looking for new clients in another city," she said with narrowed eyes. Specifically, after she killed them both, Raven sent them off a cliff in their car from the mountains outside the city. "I told you what would happen if you went after me or anybody I care about, Slade. If you didn't think I follow through with my word, I hope this will set you straight."

Slade rolled his eyes, "As much as I enjoy being threatened, this was not my doing. I do not know who those two men are. And, before you say anything, do you really think I'm the person not to take credit for my work? C'mon, Raven, you know better."

Unfortunately, he had a point. Slade didn't take credit for other people's work and he sure as hell didn't let others take credit for his. If he had really done it, he wouldn't hesitate to taunt her with it. She shouldn't believe him. He had many points, but that didn't change the fact that he was a master manipulator and a pathological liar.

"Those men were trying to spread the word of Scath. That's your cult."

"Very true," Slade said, "But I am the leader, and I have not ordered anything against you yet, Raven. If members were to attack despite my orders, they wouldn't be stupid enough to also attack your famous fiancé. Your death may not bring the headlines, but the death of Bruce Wayne's son would."

She clenched the phone tighter against her ear, "I don't believe you."

"That's really not my problem, little girl. And, it sounds to me you have a much bigger problem on your hands."

* * *

"We have a much bigger problem on our hands."

Dick stared at his best friend, "And what, pray tell, is the problem, Wallace?"

"You can't enjoy your bachelor party if you have a head injury!" Wally West lying on the other side of the bed. He was pouting as if being unable celebrate his friend's end-of-bachelor-status was equivalent to the world around them running out of sliced bread.

"Then maybe we can make that night a guy's poker night," Victor Stone suggested as he handed Dick a cup of coffee from a distance (a joke from hearing Roy vent about Dick's inability to handle hot liquids). "Beers, cards, and bros doesn't sound like the worst thing."

Wally slumped further, "But I wanted us to celebrate Dick at that new club downtown."

"You just want me there so you don't have to wait in line." Dick was a semi-famous face that helped with cutting at bars, bathrooms, and banks.

"That is not true at all," Wally said with a dramatic gasp, "We need to celebrate because you are only getting married at least once." That comment earned him a pillow to the face.

Victor rolled his eyes, "Raven gave him the okay to go to work tomorrow, Wally. As long as he stays out of trouble, you can still have your good old-fashioned American bachelor party."

That definitely lightened the redhead's mood, "I can get a stripper dressed as a nurse."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Wally."

The boys turned to see Raven entering the room, full doctor outfit and everything.

"Why not? Everyone loves sexy nurses," Wally said as Dick was pushing him off the bed to make room for her.

Raven chuckled, "Let's just say Dick has a preference for spandex," and she kissed her fiancé's forehead.

Victor immediately covered his ears, "No, no, Raven. I think of you like a sister which means I do not want the image of you doing non-sisterly things in my head."

Dick wrapped his arms around her, "You guys can leave, you know," the way he said it indicated that it was more of a demand than an option.

"Yeah, yeah. Feel better, Richard. Then, we can plan the totally awesome bachelor party!" Wally said as he was being pulled out by Victor.

"How was your day?" Raven asked as soon as the others left.

He drew circles on her arm, "Nothing too exciting. You?"

She leaned into his embrace, "Just normal day of patients. No, wait, Kate called. About  _Raymond_."

"What about Raymond?"

"She says I might have to speak at his trial, since I was there when he got shot. She warned me that there is a chance the defense might bring up  _us_ , but I shouldn't be too worried."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Raven held his hand, "I don't want to ask you to take work off to support me at the trial."

"So, don't," he said against her cheek, "I would've done it anyways. Anything else?"

She turned to him, "No. You've done enough for me as it is."

"What do you mean?" Dick asked, trying to ignore the increased pace of his heart.

She cupped his face in her hands and brought their foreheads together. "You've been there for me through all of this, love. I can't tell you how grateful I am for that," Raven kissed him, "I know you'd do anything for me, Robin."

"I really would, Raven," he murmured against her lips. The look in her eyes calmed him immediately. Somehow, the guilt of keeping such secrets from her seeped through the small moment of silence and his heart was racing again.

"Raven. Last night, there was something I was trying to tell you. I wanted––"

_RING!_


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic– the level of just how graphic is person dependent– backstory and a little smut (because I'm not good at writing it).

"  **Regardless of what we do, our karma has no hold on us. "**

~ Bodhidharma

* * *

 After the collapse of Slade's cult, the members most psychologically damaged found themselves moved towards Sunshine Sanatorium in Maryland.

Arella Roth was one of them. So, Raven was spending her day off driving at least three hours to see on her mother at the mental facility  _she_  put her in. She saw her mother sitting on a cot with her knees close to her chest. The woman was playing with a loose thread from her nightgown, watching the thread with focused fascination. If you didn't know any better, Arella looked like a normal woman who didn't belong.

"My little gem!" she said at the sight of her daughter.

She nearly winced. It used to be a term of endearment from her mother, then Slade perverted it (one of his best soldiers and, therefore, his precious  _gem_ ).

"Hello, mother," she said while sitting down, "How have you been?"

"You grew up. Everyone says. You look like me. Everyone says that too." They only really shared the same eye color.

Looking her mother in the eye, Raven suddenly felt guilty, "I should have visited more." In complete honesty, she didn't blame her mother for what happened. Arella was doing the best she could with what she had.

Arella stared hard at her daughter, "You are busy. You are doing  _his_  work, yes?" she rambled.

The orderly, as well as the other staff, were used to her nonsense. The trial of Slade Wilson was public knowledge, and many strangers assumed anyone involved was an unwilling victim for they could not fathom the horrors of the cult. However, they still had much to do in order to understand the effect it had on members like Arella. It was hard for people to understand unless they were actually in their shoes. In moments of desperation, these people felt they had no other option but to rely on Slade's teachings.

"I don't work for the  _church_. I'm working at a hospital in New Jersey, remember?"

"No, no, no. You must do  _his_  work!" Arella exclaimed as she took Raven's hands, "The home he provides is a  _gift._ Without him, we would be  _whores_  on the street. We must be grateful, for we cannot live without his gift!"

If she truly knew what Slade forced her daughter to do as a child, would she still be singing his accolades?

"That's not true. I have lived without his 'gift', mother. I have a job, I have friends. And I'm going to have a family," as proof, Raven pulled out a photo of her and Dick. It was the same photo Bruce ran in his community newspapers to announce their engagement.

Arella eyed the photo. For a brief moment, she smiled at her daughter's face. Then, she shook her head, "If he finds out how ungrateful you are being–"

" _Mother_ ," her patience finally snapping, "The reason I'm here is because they told me you had unscheduled visitors." Even though Arella didn't seem to understand, Raven carried on, "They said something to upset you yesterday. The nurses had to medicate you to calm you down."

"Oh, I was having a bad dream."

Raven frowned, "I saw the reports, mother, they had to keep a nurse on-call and the orderlies had to strap you to the cot."

"It was probably an episode. There's no need to worry, my little gem."

"You've had episodes before," she pushed harder, "But they never warranted strapping you to the bed. Who came to visit, mother?"

Arella's hands started trembling in Raven's, "I…I don't know what you're–"

"Who visited you yesterday?"

Almost immediately, Arella started clawing at her daughter's face until her hands were released. She pushed Raven to the ground and started pulling at her own hair. The reaction momentarily surprised the orderlies before a few of them rushed in to restrain her.

Even as she was helped to her feet and lead out, Raven heard her mother muttering to herself, "He's not really back. He can't be back."

* * *

 "What happened after that?" Dick asked after Raven recounted the story.

Raven grimaced, but then her face started hurting, "What do you think? Since I caused such reaction, they wouldn't allow her visitors for the rest of the day. Maybe I could've tried again tomorrow, but I doubt I would've gotten anything else."

He kissed her lightly on the forehead. "I'm sure you're being paranoid over nothing," he tried reassuring her.

"If I didn't have such a  _colorful_  history, I would think so too," she rearranged the ice on her face, "But, unfortunately, us getting attacked after I visited Slade, and her getting random visits from strangers can't be a coincidence."

"Everything's going to be fine, Rave."

"No, it's not. This is probably karma for all the horrible  _fucked_   _up_  things I did."

Dick stared hard at his fiancé, "Raven, you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't have a choice."

"Yeah, I did, Robin." On the drive home, she finally decided to tell him everything. It was only fair that if he was going to be tied to her forever, he should know the full story. He needed–  _deserved_ the truth. It would push him away, but that would be one of the endless consequences for her actions.

Maybe it would alleviate her conscience, but it wasn't about that. If they were going to be together, they needed to be a  _team_. That meant she couldn't keep so many secrets from him.

"I told you Slade made me do horrible things, but that was all I told you," she said, "Slade was very inspired by the late Charles Manson, mostly his  _techniques_  to spread his message. But, he didn't use teenagers. In fact, the youngest recruit I'd ever seen was, maybe, ten. I happened to be eleven, the first time I …ever killed for Slade."

She paused to gauge his reaction, but his face was passive.

"Some of them weren't innocent. Some of them were just scared minions. Regardless, I was taught how to take a life, and I did just that for at least seven years," Raven was fairly surprised that she was able to remain stable in her story, "Arella told me I needed to complete whatever Slade asked of me because he saved her from the street after my father raped her, but I don't really know if she'd be such an advocate if she knew  _what_  he was asking me to do. She'd already done so much for me."

This time, she looked him straight in the eye, "Now do you understand how  _I_ brought this on. I  _chose_  to follow Slade's orders, to do what he said because I couldn't see that I had other choices. I have so much blood, and I can't put it on your hands either. I'm telling you this  _because_  you deserve to know what kind of a shitstorm we–  _I_ might be facing."

Her eyes were downcast in realization that she just spilled her entire history onto their satin sheets. She couldn't look up at him, stop him from staying out of pity or guilt. Raven knew she wanted nothing more than to have a life with the man before her, but not at the cost of destroying him. If there was any time for her to be selfless, now would be the time.

When Raven felt her hair being pulled, her instinctual reaction was to kick whoever had their hands on her. But, she looked up and saw Dick's baby-blue orbs staring back at her, with an indecipherable message. He used his hand in her hair to pull her lips to his and his free hand to clutch her waist. Despite the roughness in his movements, his lips were soft pressing against her own. His arms moved from her head to her hips. When she felt him picking her up, her legs started wrapping around his waist on instinct.

He sat back against the pillows with his head slightly above the headboard. In a moment of uncontrolled desperation, he pulled at both sides of her blouse to release her from the confines of the fabric. He hoped neither of them ended up stomping on the loose buttons in the morning. Her skin was available for him as his fingers moved towards her bust. He grazed the skin on her back that was formerly indented by the under band of her bra.

At a much quicker pace, Raven was unbuttoning his pajama shirt while he was playing with her pants. As soon as the buttons were undone, her fingers were running against his skin from his pecks to his abs. She kissed the corner of his mouth and continued kisses down his sternum. She felt her bra unclipped at her back and pulled her bra off for him.

Without hesitating, he pecked at the skin around one of her open areolas. He waited until he heard his name from her mouth before giving her nipple the deserving kisses. She was unaware of her nails sinking into his biceps, but he didn't seem to mind. He moved to the unattended nipple after a few seconds. In response, her hands moved down to unbutton his pants. In that moment, he was happily remembering that he didn't put on his boxers.

* * *

 Raven was resting her head against his chest and, in the cliché move of a breathless lover, ran her hand up and down his ribs. Sex, whether rough and passionate or sweet and slow, was always so intimate for them. Regardless of the state of their relationship, that seemed to be one area they were fine in.

"I stand by what I said," he kissed the top of her head, "it  _wasn't_  your fault, Rave." He felt her back stiffen at his words, so he pulled her closer to prevent her escape. "You had to do some awful  _shit_  to survive, but that's it."

"They wanted me to like it." Memories were inferences and weren't carbon copies of the exact moment, but she always vividly remembered the look on  _their_  faces when she came back covered in blood. "Anytime I killed perverts, abusers, or murderers…I think I did," she admitted, "But I was more scared of being like  _them_."

"Isn't that what makes you different?" He was no psychologist, but remorse was definitely a sign of humanity.

 _He_  would know.

* * *

 The night before motivated Dick to  _help_  the prison better contain Slade and cut off his ties to the outside world. It was one of the many benefits of being Bruce Wayne's ward and Wayne Enterprise's current CEO.

The previous night also helped prepare him for how he was planning on telling Raven the truth. He even began drafting a speech on how to tell her of his crimes. Hearing her side didn't necessarily calm his own nerves.

"Mr. Grayson," his secretary interrupted his thoughts, "There's a collect call on line two."

Had he been paying attention, he wouldn't've just carelessly answered the phone

"Hello, Richie."

Was this happening?

"Raymond. How is life incarcerated?"

Raymond let out a sour laugh, "Not as bad as you'd think. Definitely not like we thought as kids. The prison system is nice to, well, people like  _me_."

"I remember you visiting the day before my  _confession_ got me a lighter sentence," he said, "You were in my hospital room just before I talked to the press."

So, this was really happening to him?

"That's right. I did visit you." To deny it would be pointless for him. Dick's name was on the visitor's log and there was video footage of him at the hospital. However, due to his wonderful self-taught computer skills, he found a way to alter the timing of him both entering and leaving Raymond's room. "If you're trying to threaten me, it'd be pointless." It'd be one word against the other, and if the other man truly had solid evidence, wouldn't he just go to the police?

"Oh, Richie, I'm not here to  _threaten_  you," he teased, "I'm simply here to let you know that I remembered how we used to be such good friends, just before  _she_  walked into our lives."

Dick tensed in his body and his voice, "Leave her out of this, Raymond. Stop wasting both our time with empty threats."

"Oh, I wish I could, but I was having an interesting conversation with a  _friend_  that couldn't stop my ex-fiancé from leaving my mind," he paused for effect, "Have you ever heard of  _Slade Wilson_?"

Of fucking course this would happen to him.

"He was very interested in your little damsel. I thought it was so curious that he didn't need me to fill in the blanks."

How did Raymond ever make a solid business deal? He was dragging on and on and the only reason Dick wasn't hanging up that instant is because this guy might pose at least a minimal threat.

"What. Do. You. Want, Raymond?" he grimaced into the phone, "And if I hear another quip come out of your mouth, I will bring the cops into this conversation."

He chuckled, "No, you won't. Not with the  _information_  I have on your future bride," Raymond continued when Dick remained silent, "The press– law enforcement– don't know how Raven's fully involved do they?"

"You are talking nonsense," he responded in a calming voice, "Raven is a victim of Slade's manipulation. And, if you call me making up stories about the love of my life one more time, you may not make it to your trial. That's a promise." Then, he hung up on his ex-best friend before he said something else on a recorded phone call.

* * *

 "I killed Katherine."

That was the first thing Raven heard when Dick walked into their home. He hadn't even put his briefcase on the floor.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

He sat down on the couch, "Katherine Moth? I killed her. She's dead," then he got up to pace, "She was threatening to ruin you and I knew you couldn't fight back. I was going to burn her body and, at the last minute, I just buried her. I wanted to help you– to  _protect_  you– and that doesn't justify fucking murdering her but…" he sat back down on the couch, "I thought I figured everything out but then everything went to shit. Things started shifting to you even though I did everything I could to make sure that did  _not_  happen. To get the heat off, I framed Raymond," he got up again to pace, "I thought I had all the loose ends taken care of, and it turns out, it's the complete opposite. I've never done this before and that, again, doesn't justify anything I've done, but I'm in deep shit now. I know I've done a horrible thing and I  _deserve_  to live with the guilt, but it's coming back to you, and that's the  _last_  thing I wanted. If you take anything from what's happened, understand that I  _love_  you more than anything and I didn't want you to get hurt because I'm a fucking idiot."


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very short. I just wanted to have something up for all the people still following along. I am actually working on it and kinda know where I wanna take this story.

"  **The secret of a good marriage is forgiving your partner for marrying you in the first place. "**

~ Sacha Guitry

* * *

Dick thought he'd learned all of Raven's mannerisms, but  _this_  was something else.

Her face was staid while her eyes gave nothing away. She put her book face down. He couldn't tell if she was still processing the information or if she was about ready to faint (most likely not the latter).

She spoke only four words: "Get me a drink."

It wasn't exactly what he was expecting but it truly conveyed how they were both feeling.

He ran to the kitchen, grabbed the expensive whiskey, and started pouring. He watched as she got up from her seat towards the stairs and started… moving picture frames?

After her redecorating, there was nothing left but four ledges left on the wall. They were placed diagonally, parallel with the direction of the stairs. She gripped the highest two and pulled them towards her chest. With a light hiss, the walls came out from the stairs. The taller one mimicked an electrical console with lights but no wires. From what he could see, the smaller one stored knives, phones, guns, and an abundance of other items.

Dick gulped down the drink he poured for her. He quickly refilled and handed it to her. She didn't even look at him when she swallowed the alcohol and returned the glass to him.

She activated one of the burner phones. "Hey, it's me," she said to some garbled voice on the other end, "I'm in need of your expertise, again." She looked over her shoulder at Dick, "It's better if you don't know. I'll be at the factory," then hung up.

Raven grabbed nine-millimeter Glock 19, checked the chamber for a full cartridge, and tucked it into a concealed holster on her belt. Then, she fished out two shovels from another hidden compartment and a random brown box.

She pulled a small luggage from the couch. Dick recognized it as the luggage she never unpacked from their trip to Austria; hell, it still had clothes when she opened it. Then she stuffed a transparent Ziploc bag with latex gloves, trash bags, and shoe covers underneath it.

She spoke only four words: "Time for a walk."

* * *

Raven remembered seeing a car abandoned in a parking garage a few blocks from their home. The owner had been trying to get the car stolen– it was unlocked with the keys still in it– so, she figured nobody would mind her borrowing it. Once she got the engine running, she asked him for the address in Blüdhaven where he dumped the body. Two hours later, they were in the middle of nowhere digging up buried remains.

"As soon as we get these out of the ground, we need to bury that box in its place," she said in between shoveling. "Then we're taking these to a crematorium."

Dick didn't know what he was doing when it came to taking care of a mess. But he would've done it a lot better if he had his fiancé with him.

She shrugged semi-casually, "I found on online in the next town over. It's an old building with no cameras, so it won't be too hard for me to pick the lock." When she pushed the shovel deeper with her covered shoes, she heard something crack. That was  _probably_  bone.

Both she and Dick kneeled to dig up the bag of remains. Given the poor state that the body was buried, the decaying process was different. The plastic retained the fluids from the corpse. It produced an odor that made toilets in New York smell like flowers.

"We're going to have to burn our clothes too," Raven said while holding her nose, "Good thing I brought that luggage." She placed the rest of the corpse-bags on the surface and replaced it with her random box, starting to move more dirt on top.

He really wanted to ask how she knew all this stuff but found it better not to disrupt Raven's focus.

"As soon as we return the car, you need to give me the keys to the car you took that night. I'll take care of the car's GPS. I haven't decided if we should change the license plates."

"Raven, you shouldn't have to do all this," Dick said for the first time in hours. Her response was to look at him like he was speaking Romanian again. "This is  _my_  mess, and… and you shouldn't have to clean it. I'm speaking both literally and figuratively."

Now, she looked angry.

"You're wasting our time for  _this_? Dick, we can talk about how fucked up everything is when we're not hanging around a decaying corpse in an empty field. Anybody could drive by at any moment and see us. So, please, just shut up and take your goddamn pants off."

They hadn't spoken to each other since.

As soon as they arrived home, Raven whisked the car off to "take care" of the GPS. This was the first time in months he went to sleep without Raven by his side. This was also the first time in months he woke up without seeing her face.

It was a little unsettling, but he was starting to think he needed to get used to it.

* * *

**SMS_Unknown: All taken care of.**

That text message was sent over an hour ago, but Raven hadn't stopped looking at it. She had finished with her morning appointments and felt the need to lock herself in her office during lunch.

Since the break started she had done nothing but stare at that message on her burner phone. A phone she was, stupidly, hanging on to.

_Love Walks In_  took over the room. That meant Dick was trying to call her. It was the first time today she heard that ringtone, and she was normally used to hearing it three or four before lunch.

**SMS_Dick: Are you okay?**

It probably sounded like he was trying to pretend things were normal after the late night they had, but she knew better. He was actually showing a lot of restraint.

She sent him a few words as an answer. That would calm him over for a while because she wasn't trying to make him suffer.

She wasn't mad at him, not really. While he may have handled the situation poorly, she knew he had good intentions. If she was being completely honest with anyone else listening, she might've handled the situation the same way back then.

_Back then_. That's what was making her mad.

Becoming a doctor was supposed to clean up some of the blood she already had underneath her nails. Moving miles away was supposed to get the stench out of her nose. Falling in love with someone better than herself was supposed to remind her that despite all she'd done she deserved the life she fought for.

The sick part of her that Slade preyed on rejoiced at the idea of being around the mess and all that came with it: lies, deceit, trauma, and a fucking abundance of bleach. That was the demon she needed to keep at bay. The last thing she ever wanted was for Dick to bring that out of her.

No, he wouldn't. He  _didn't_. Because it wasn't who he was.

He wasn't like this…until he met her.

She brought out a monster, and, if she didn't, she turned him into one. Her shadows were seeping out of her control now.

She needed to end this once and for all.

* * *

Dick came home after work to find Raven's luggage, but no Raven. Her black suitcase was sitting by the coffee table, mocking him. On the table were a bunch of typed up papers, a passport, and a map.

He should've expected all this, but his breaking heart somehow seemed to surprise him. The guilt he felt from what he'd done was minor compared to the sludge of sadness trying to make its way up his throat.

Raven finally came down. The gun she carried last night was attached to her belt again, waking Dick up to just how much of a monster he'd become. "I'm staying with Toni tonight," she said above a whisper, "And some nights after that."

Somehow, he found a way to nod, and to speak, "Are you coming back?" After he said that out loud, he realized it was a stupid question.

Looking at him with solemn eyes– he was probably hallucinating the empathy– she said, "I don't know yet. I still have my things and…" her voice trailed off. Their eyes met for a moment before she saw he was looking at the coffee table. "I gave them my two weeks' notice today," Raven explained.

"Raven, I…I'm so sorry."

She nervously tidied her things "I said we would talk about it, and we will. But, for now, I…I think we should have space."

He nodded in agreement, despite every one of his instincts telling him to grovel.

Raven tried walking past him towards the door with her things. But, out of instinct, he grabbed her wrist to stop her. Neither of them turned around. Both of them were shaking and they probably thought it was coming from the other.

Both of them wanted to say "I love you" but didn't because it would send the wrong message.


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another more graphic chapter. I'm sorry if any of my writing sounds desensitized by such horrors. Larger TRIGGER WARNING for violence, blood, and gore.

"  **When we quarrel, how we wish we had been blameless. "**

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

* * *

"Just drive."

Raven sat with closed eyes in her car. Her mind was commending her for doing the right thing, but her heart was trying to find the quickest route back to the house.

"You need to get away from this," she whispered to herself, "Just leave and start over. You've done it before, you can do it again."

"You always did think too much, both in fighting  _and_  in life."

She finally opened her eyes to see Sebastian Blood putting on his seat belt next to her. The man who helped turned her into a beast, teaching her a majority of what she knew. He looked exactly as he died. His clothes had small vertical cuts around his abdomen and his stomach, a gift from when she stabbed him. The front of his body was almost entirely covered in wet blood. He didn't have any hair anymore, and his body was mostly made up of scabs and burnt skin.

"You're not really here.  _You're_  dead."

He scoffed, "No thanks to you, Number 1318." He rested his hands on the back of his head. "Although it is a little ironic that you're deserting your boyfriend for killing someone, with your count being so high. You were a lot of things, dearie.  _Hypocrite_  wasn't one of them," he eyed her with a knowing smirk, "He knows what  _you_  did. The minute he says something to you, you run?"

"He knows that's not why I'm leaving."

"Does he? Is that what you keep telling yourself, 1318?" he tapped his chin in thought, "Or are you forgetting that you killed people too?"

"I was forced to kill. Dick  _chose_  to."

He scoffed, "You think intent matters to the one with the knife in their back?" He rubbed his burnt fingers together, the sound of flaky skin being very upsetting for her. "That's a reach. You're _both_ still murderers."

Raven scowled, "Well he wouldn't've made that choice if it hadn't been for me. I was influencing him without even trying. It's  _my_  fault."

Sebastian laughed– at least it looked like he was laughing, she couldn't tell because when he smiled there were no teeth to stop the blood. "You must really think highly of yourself, dearie," he said, "You think you have  _that_  much power over what he, or anybody else, does?"

"If he hadn't met me…"

"Yada yada yada," he mocked, "Now you're just sitting here in your garage, feeling sorry for yourself and talking to a dead guy."

She reasoned, "If I get out now, he'll have a chance for a normal life," more to herself than to him.

"As normal a life could be for killers," Sebastian reminded her. "You're both pretty fucked up, 1318," he said, "you might as well be fucked up and happy together."

She muttered under her breath, "And what if I don't deserve to be happy?"

"'Deserve' is a funny word, huh," he said, "Does anybody really 'deserve' anything? Everybody does good things and shitty things at least once in their lives, but what does anyone really  _deserve_?" He shoved her shoulder, "You're on the train to hell, dearie. Might as well be happy before the final stop."

* * *

Raven first noticed Dick's shoes were still on the mat by the door; she was expecting to trip on them again. Then, she noticed the half-empty bottle of whiskey resting on the coffee table, next to a coaster. Finally, she saw a majority of the items from his satchel spread on the desk.

"Dick," she called out, "I think we should talk. Now."

As an answer, she heard the sound of the toilet flushing.

Nervously, she picked up the bottle and started searching for a glass of her of her own. "I shouldn't've run out like that," she said as she poured, "It was hypocritical and immature."

The water faucet turned off and the door opened.

"It just freaked me out," she admitted, "And I wasn't thinking straight. But you have to know–" She turned around, finding that she was staring down a pistol's silencer.

The man standing in front of her was clearly nervous, shaking from his toes to his hair. He avoided looking in her eyes as he held the weapon at her. It wouldn't take much for Raven to remove the weapon as well as snap his neck.

Raven raised her hands, feigning the look of someone who didn't know any better. "What's going on?"

"Y-you're gonna c-come with me."

Oh, this poor child.

"Why?" she pretended, "Who are you? Where's my fiancé?"

"I'm–I'm not gonna repeat myself!" he made a moving gesture with the weapon. He moved out of the way, expecting her to walk towards him. Clearly, he had no idea what he was doing.

Raven nodded slowly and followed his direction. She only had to keep playing the feebleminded act for a little while longer. She waited until he was behind her to stop moving altogether. His gun was pressing against her back.

"What the–What the hell are you waiting for?"

"This." Raven turned so the side of the gun was parallel to her back. She wrapped her hand around his and used her free hand to grip his neck. She pushed him down and forced him on the floor. With his arm under her armpit, she reached and removed the gun.

To keep him on the floor, she pressed her knee to his chest. She placed the gun on his forehead and removed the safety, "I believe I had a few questions you failed to answer."

* * *

Dick was hanging from the ceiling by handcuffed wrists. It was probably the first thing he noticed when he came-to.

All he could remember was chugging alcohol at night, staring at online photo albums, when he heard a knock at the door. He thought it was Raven forgetting something since she did leave her key behind.

Then it became an in-and-out blur. He was slowly remembering the other times he regained consciousness that night.

The first time, he was in a van with a sack over his head. He got a few punches and kicks in before he was knocked out. The second time, he was briefly conscious to see four or five men in pinstripes suit circling around him. It was like if Agent Smith from  _The Matrix_  suddenly decided to shop at Ralph Lauren. As far as fantasies went, this was not one of his.

This time, it was just him and two pinstripe suits. One was lounging in a plastic chair with his feet on a table and a gun in his hand. Another was just leering around Dick with a creepy smile and dirty glasses.

"Welcome back."

"That implies that I've been here already. And, I'd like to believe I'd remember your handsome face," Dick said, despite the fact that he was in no way, shape, or form supposed to be comfortable enough to sound flirtatious.

Glasses gave a sly smile, "As long as you cooperate, Mr. Grayson, you should be out in no time."

"Why take me here if you're so eager for me to leave?"

The gun guy was snickering along with glasses. "You're here because… well, let's just say you're here until your no longer useless to us," he said. So much for villainous, revealing monologue.

The lights started flickering above them. This allowed Dick to see that he was actually in some kind of empty barn. He could only touch the straw-covered ground with his open toes. There were a few windows, but he couldn't recognize the landscape outside. There were no computers and the men were carrying satphones. So, he was truly in the middle of nowhere.

"Are you not worried about me seeing your faces?"

"We're not worried, are we, Ocelot?" guns commented.

_Ocelot_  walked over and pressed a knife against Dick's chest, "We want you to remember us," using the knife to play with the buttons until he cut off enough thread. He continued to do this until his shirt was open.

"How else are we going to extend our  _word_?" the other man said.

"You mean the word of 'Scath'?" Dick asked, feeling more exposed than he would've liked.

"Yes. Are you sure you haven't been here before?"

"No, but I've seen your goons before, hanging out in the park," he answered, "You guys are extremely aggressive in spreading your message. I almost feel sorry about what happened after."

Something in the other man's smile fractured. "Excuse me? What the _fuck_ did you just say?"

The first time since being in the barn, Dick kept a conscious straight face. The light flickering for the umpteenth time didn't even make him blink.

Ocelot pulled Dick by his open shirt, the movement harshly pulling at the wrist restraints. "I asked you a fucking question," he said. When he still didn't reply, he made a quick slash on his stomach in anger. That didn't get a reply either, so the angry man slashed at his sternum.

"Ocelot, don't," the other man wrapped an arm around his partner's neck, forcing the knife from his hand. 

The cuts weren't deep enough to make anyone worry, but it sure as hell wasn't comfortable. Having been let go, Dick was back at his original hanging position. He looked up. The red marks on his wrists were now wounds, blood slowly moving down his arms.

Grison wrapped an arm around his neck, forced the knife from his hand, and pulled him away.

Dick was back into his resting position, but he felt a sting around his nose and he tasted blood dropping on his lips.

"Let me go, Grison!" Ocelot tried fighting the other man.

_Grison_  shook his partner in his grip. "Enough. You're wasting your energy." He leaned closer with a whisper,"You and your friends weren't hired to play with this pretty boy."

Ocelot spat, "If he did something to–"

The lights turned off completely. If this were any other situation, Dick would make a joke about the dramatic coincidence. He could barely see the outlines of his captors, let alone a possible escape route.

"It's probably nothing. The generator will come on eventually."

They waited at least a minute, and nothing happened.

"What did your people do now?"

"My people? We didn't do shit. This is what we get for choosing to have an abduction in a fucking barn!"

"If that's true, call them right now."

"Call one of the guys!"

"I can't see the phone in the dark, you stupid fuck!"

 

The lights finally turn back on.

"Ocelot!"

The man being called let out a sigh of relief, "See, one of my people probably knows what's going on." When he turned around he expected to see someone behind him.

"Ocelot!"

The two men turned to see a woman with frazzled hair on the floor. She was dragging her body across the straw, or at least trying to with only one hand. Her other hand was trying to contain the wound on the front. The jacket of her suit was less pinstripe and more blood.

Ocelot took a step to help her and the lights shut down.

As if right out of a slasher movie, Tamarin was missing when the lights turned back on a minute later. The bulbs resumed its usual flickering. But, with each flicker, they heard overlapping screams surrounding the barn.

Grison pulled out his gun, removed the safety, "It's time."

On cue, a window broke. A body was halfway inside the barn, impaled by the shards of glass. It was Tamarin.

Her mouth was gaping; the blood flow allowed them to see her tongue was almost completely cut off. As they moved closer, so they got a clearer view of her older wounds. Especially the enormously round cut on her stomach. Both long and small intestine were hanging out of the wound.

Ocelot grimaced, "We're not scared of you, you sick fuck!" and continued to let out a stream of curses.

Then, there was the sound of a body crashing through the roof. However, the body didn't land. Ocelot looked up and noticed a dead body was now hanging from a fan blade, comically spinning in a circle.

Grison stood by Dick, like a bodyguard protecting a celebrity, while Ocelot continued screaming at no one.

"Whoever you are, if you don't give up now, I swear we will–"

He didn't get the chance to finish as someone quickly kicked him in the head, the toes of a boot pressing hard into his temple. Before he could get up, he felt someone's knee jamming against his nose, putting him down once more.

"Raven!"

For the umpteenth time that night, Raven was facing down another gun pointed at her chest. "I don't know who you are, but–"

"Don't worry about me," Grison said. His eyes lingered towards which thigh he was going to shoot, "I won't kill you, but if you give yourself up–"

Insulted enough, Raven grabbed the top of the gun with gloved hands, pushing on the gun in the direction towards his chest. Because his hands were bent at an uncomfortable angle, he let it go. She took the moment to pull the gun downwards and take it from him.

With a large growl, he charged. He pushed her shoulders against the wall. His forearm pressed against her neck, making it harder to breathe. He smiled at her body writhing beneath his grip.

Raven wasn't so easily contained. To remove his forearm off her neck, she used her fingers to break his cheekbones. Simultaneously, she used her other hand to push his elbow in a downward motion. The same hand that broke his cheekbones grabbed his nose, and she jammed his head against the wall. She kicked him in the groin two or three times for good measure. Once the man was down on his knees clutching his injured genitals, she swiftly gripped his throat and twisted his neck. Then, she pulled off the keys around his neck.

To think, she was holding back.

She walked over to where Dick was hanging out, unlocking his restraints. "On a scale of 1-10, how much pain are you feeling?" she asked once he was finally on his feet. She was about to put his arm around her, but felt her body pulled backwards, causing Dick to lose his balance.

Someone, presumably Ocelot, was holding her arms behind her. She was already mentally scolding herself for not making sure the other guy was dead. Raven stepped backwards before she twisted her body in the opposite direction. This movement freed her left arm. Her right arm gripped his elbow towards his body. She then used both arms charging into his body, grabbing him by the thighs, and pushing him to the ground. Once he was on the ground, she stood above him with her boot on his chest.

"Nice suit," Raven snarled. She pulled out a pistol of her own, "Who hired you? Was it Slade?"

"Who the fuck is Slade? You're gonna pay for this, you fucking c–"

She stomped on his chest, most definitely breaking his ribs. As he was spitting blood out, she straddled his chest and held a knife to his chin, repeating her questions.

"I don't know who Slade is!"

"Clearly," Raven pressed the blade of her knife into his skin. "Answer me this: who hired you?"

"Grison– or whatever the fuck his real name is– he hired us," he was frantically pointing at one of the corpses.

"How do you know who I am?"

"I just got an alert for a job," He sputtered, "We were just supposed to get you. They said no killing, but do whatever it takes to get you."

"Does anyone else know about your assignment?"

"I don't know! Okay? I told you everything!"

"Well, you have been very informative," she sighed, before making a clean cut on his neck. She got off, and his hands immediately went to the wound spurting blood. While he was trying to cover it up, Raven took the opportunity to clean her knife with his jacket. She stood over him until he took his final breath.

She looked over her shoulder, "Robin, are you okay?" When he didn't answer, she quickly ran to where she left him earlier. He looked like he was sleeping, besides the small pool of blood coming from his head.

"Dick!"

* * *

Dick's eyes slowly opened, only to have the light immediately force him to squint. He searched back and forth to see walls of wood replaced with concrete. What used to be a flickering light was now blinding and fluorescent.

"You need to rest, Richard," Bruce said when he tried to sit up, "You'll ruin your stitches."

"Where am I?"

"Gotham General."

Was he closer to home all this time? "How did I get here?"

"Ambulance picked you and Raven up from the side of the road."

Raven!

He almost sat up again, "Where is she? Is she okay?"

Bruce pushed him against the bed, "She's okay. Right now, we just need to worry about you."

He nodded, feeling more reassured. But the nerves came back when he realized Bruce was staring at him.

"Why didn't you tell me what's going on?" He paused for a moment to give Dick a chance to answer, "Why didn't you tell me about Raven?"

Dick felt compelled to spill everything. However, he didn't know exactly how much of the truth was revealed. "It wasn't my secret to tell," was the best response he could come up with that wasn't a lie.

"I understand that," Bruce said, "I understand keeping her past hidden, because you're worried how we'd react if we found out she was a prisoner in a cult. But the part where you two get into a mugging at the park? If you had told me, or at least called the police, those guys wouldn't've come back to hurt you a second time. What if, instead of just you, Raven got really hurt too?"

Her ears must've been burning, for she walked into the room. Raven was wearing different clothes, so she must've had time to go home. There was a smaller Band-Aid on her eyebrow and a few bigger ones on her arms.

"How are you?" she asked, handing Bruce a cup of hospital coffee.

There was no emotion on her face because it was all in her eyes. "As well as anyone can be in a hospital," Dick answered. Based on his Raven-translating skills, he could see quite obviously she was feeling guilty.

Bruce, reading the room, looked between them, "I'm going to let your brothers know you're up," he turned to Raven, "Are you staying with him again?" He gestured to the messy cot near the wall.

"I'm sure his family would rather stay and keep an eye on him."

Bruce almost made a comment about how she was family, but noticed the tension between the couple. Instead, he awkwardly pat Raven on the shoulder. "Make sure he doesn't try getting up. I'll be back with the boys," he said before he left.

"What did you tell them happened?" Dick asked once the door closed.

She put a finger up to stop him from saying more; then, she smoothly nodded her head towards the camera by the door.

Raven started pouring water into a cup. "I know you didn't –  _wouldn't_  tell him about the 'mugging'. So, as far as they know, we ran into the same guys," she said, "We just didn't know they were in Slade's cult trying to abduct us…twice. Some people already know about the mugging, so that won't be hard to corroborate." She put a straw in and handed it to him.

"The 'muggers'?" he asked in between sips, "And, the barn?"

"The police think they're on the run. The police want us to help with a sketch, but the trauma most likely 'suppressed' those memories." She dabbed at stray drops on the side of his mouth, "The barn is a non-issue, and that's all I can say about that. The less you know, the safer you are."

"That seems to be a common theme with you," he said a little loudly.

For a few seconds, she looked taken aback. He couldn't blame her. He'd never spoken to her with any degree of malice – it was uncomfortable for him too. She didn't seem hurt by it, accepting if anything.

"How'd you know where to find me?" he asked.

"Someone was in the house."

He looked even more confused, "When were you in the house?"

Raven didn't answer, just fluffed his pillow, "They weren't after you."

"Who's they?"

"I'm not sure," she said. This was the first time she looked at him since. And, for the first time ever, Dick saw hopelessness in her eyes.

They sat in silence for a long time. She was sitting by his side on the bed, but they weren't touching. Her back was too him so he couldn't see what she was thinking about. What was usually a comfort zone for them had now turned into a hostile environment.

"I didn't leave the garage," Raven broke the silence, "I shouldn't have left in the first place."

"Maybe," he said, "When you told me everything, I didn't."

"No, you didn't."

"So then why did you?" The angry part of him wanted to ask how they were supposedly different: her killing to survive and him killing to protect. Who was she to be so judgmental about it?

Good thing he wasn't  _always_  driven by the angry part of himself.

"We won't have this conversation until you're better," she said, clearly unwilling to say more.

They sat in more silence, agonizingly doing so.

Raven finally got to her feet, "I'm going to leave," she was still facing away from him.

"Okay," Dick said. His fingers clenched around the sheets. He hesitated a moment before finally deciding, "You can stay at the house, if you want. I'll be staying with Bruce while I'm recovering."

She didn't respond, almost as if she didn't hear him.

He gripped her wrist and pulled her closer. Now, she had no choice but to look at him. "We  _will_  talk about this Raven. You, at least, owe me some answers."

Her gaze flickered between his face and the gauze wrapped around his wrist before she nodded. Gently, she pulled her own hand out and walked towards the door. She wasn't aware that Dick could see her hand levitating over the door handle, like she didn't know if she could actually open the door. It was like she was forcing herself when she walked out.

His hands immediately went to his face, trying to ignore her voice talking to a nurse on the other side of the door. His lower lip was bleeding, biting it so he couldn't ask her to stay.


End file.
